Periodic chart
- Thread starter wfooshee
- Start date
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Scab
I got nothin' here...
At my house, we're just practicing for the "pause." Peri, I think is what they stick in front of that title.
(And if I want my wife to know I discussed this on the forum, I'll tell her.)
JimLor
Well-known member
Amazing the things we married men learn - it ain't right!!
wfooshee
O, Woe is me!!
I was old enough to know what it was with Mom. Didn't live in her house any more, but she seemed to always be around wherever I was for one reason or another. Probably just trying to make sure I hadn't gotten no motersickles or whissskey.
As for shoes and clothes, we already can't close a single closet door in the house. WTF??!?!?
I get 3 drawers of one dresser, and most of my own closet. In 3 bedrooms we have NO empty wall space for all the chest-of-drawers type furniture, the linen and hall closets have no linens or coats, and one of my desk drawers has socks that don't belong to me. I have no idea what happened to the stuff that was there when I brought the desk to our newly-wed household. It's just - - - gone.
ponyfool
Well-known member
On the bright side, she does have a point about Olive Garden!
krashdragon
Well-known member
madmike2
Shtirrenuppenmeister
[SIZE=14pt]No way that will work[/SIZE]
even if it ever happened.
After all...we're men..we don't understand...if we loved you we'd try harder...
And above all: [SIZE=12pt]We're wrong![/SIZE]
S76
Well-known member
You must be cheering the chocolate part because EVERY body knows the quiet part just doesn't work.
..........................................................................................
.....................................................
Wife in a rage....bla..bla...bla...bla..bla
Me..Quiet, be very quiet, do not engage the enemy. Repeat, do not engage!
Wife...That's just like you, you can't even answer me when I talk to you.
Me...Do not engage, stay focused, do not engage.
Wife...Do you realize how rude it is for you to just keep flicking that TV while I'm talking.
Me..(That's it! Safety off, lock and load)...."NO.. I'll tell YOU what rude is...rude is YOU talking to me while I'm trying to watch TV! That's what rude is! And I'll tell YOU something else while we are on the subject of rude. (Trigger is stuck, this gun is on full auto and won't stop firing) It is not rude of me, as you suggest constantly, when I leave the toilet seat up. Leaving the seat down and peeing all over it is rude. Leaving it up is not rude. And personally, I think it is RUDE of YOU not to put it back up when YOU are done. There! What do you think of that! You wanted me to talk so I did. How's this working out for you now! (Out of bullets, quick retreat to the basement workshop, but as I decend the steps I can't resist tossing my last grenade back through the door and closing it fast behind me.) "We'll discuss this later when YOU can act more reasonable."
YEEHAA, let the good times roll. :assassin:
dabayliner
Well-known member
I tried the chocolate part and after a box or two (more is better right? and the way she was feeling she still needed more) she yelled at me about trying to get her fat.... (shoulder slump "Yes, I mean no dear")
With Wife (ex.), two daughters, two female dogs, a female cat I was out numbered. I was lucky we didn't have a goldfish or I would have been one step lower on the ladder.
I think I need to change my oil......, do a tune up, anything.....
With Wife (ex.), two daughters, two female dogs, a female cat I was out numbered. I was lucky we didn't have a goldfish or I would have been one step lower on the ladder.
I think I need to change my oil......, do a tune up, anything.....
huk finn
Well-known member
3 women menstr. the same time??? and you went home to it!!!! you sir deserve the medal of valor (courage on the battle field), but might recieve a purple heart .
my ol lady can squeeze a quater and leave imbedded finger prints during those episodes.
I'd suggest a roll-out couch in the basement
my ol lady can squeeze a quater and leave imbedded finger prints during those episodes.
I'd suggest a roll-out couch in the basement
.paul
Well-known member
Nah, I'm not single. I just don't/didn't ever take crap from ex's when their wound would reopen every month or so.
My current SO doesn't act up each month.
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wfooshee
O, Woe is me!!
Yeah, 'cept we don't have basements here. Water table is about 15 inches under the grass. Houses are on slabs or pilings, no basements.
Neighbor's house is good, though!
RadioHowie
I Miss Beemerdons!
And I'll bet your SO doesn't talk back much, either!Nah, I'm not single. I just don't/didn't every take crap from ex's when their wound would reopen every month or so.
My current SO doesn't act up each month.
.paul
Well-known member
hahaha I've got a real one. Just ask Aviator, he's met her.And I'll bet your SO doesn't talk back much, either!Nah, I'm not single. I just don't/didn't every take crap from ex's when their wound would reopen every month or so.
My current SO doesn't act up each month.
krashdragon
Well-known member
The YES was for the CHOCOLATE!
You could babysit once in a while, put your dirty dishes in the sink, your dirty socks in the clothes hamper, and.... bring home Chocolate.... that would help!
I won't say you cant' use the almost good towels in the bathroom when you're working n the bike, cause I do that.... :blush:
mary
madmike2
Shtirrenuppenmeister
I understood completely. BTDT! You don't want to hear the horor stories....I'll give you one:
I got off work early (1:00 PM), came home, did 2 loads of laundry laundry (washed, dried, folded and put away), loaded dishwasher, fixed dinner and had the table set and ready, the two girls were finishing their homework under my tutelage. Home from work, in walks the wife-unit, she looks around, and with a sad face, says:
"You don't NEED me." Then starts to cry. AAARRRGGHH!!!!!
And you think chocolate is going to help???
Silver Penguin
Silver Penguin
With tongue firmly in cheek, the following explanations may help a little:
Public Service Message From Men To Women:
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
------------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
--------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
------------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
----------------------------------------------------------
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the men in their lives
Public Service Message From Men To Women:
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
------------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
--------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
------------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
----------------------------------------------------------
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the men in their lives
madmike2
Shtirrenuppenmeister
:lol2: :rofl: Touche', Jill. Very funny stuff and we deserve it. :lol:
(As a disclaimer..before my second marriage I was a single dad to a daughter for 10 years. I ran my household just as "most" women do, i.e., "it gets done because 'I' did it". This man understands the song, "I can bring home the bacon...cook it up in the pan...etc."
Do the laundry? I can repair lace blouses & iron pleats. Feminie hygiene--the correct size and brand. Groceries? Knowing the difference between types of mushrooms, types and flavors of onions (Green, shallots, red, white, & walla walla; exactly what are crushed, diced, whole, or stewed tomatoes and what they're used for. Whether garlic should be sliced, crushed or pressed and why, etc. I know the difference between fry, saute, & stir-fry; simmer, boil & steam; broast, roast and & bake, ad infinitum. Yep...I'm an anomoly.
But I still don't ask directions. We don't get lost, we're having an ADVENTURE!
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