Practical Jokes...

[Willie]

My Ex and I were headed for a black tie affair in Boston for the CEO's Man of the Year award. She is all dolled up in a great looking red dress with her hair neatly in place. We head out on RT44 when I turn to her and say "you hear that" she says no. I sit back and continue driving. About 2 minutes later I say "damn I hear something and this thing is not steering right". "roll down the window and look out and see if we have a flat tire in the back" I watch the window (electric) go down, she leans forward, gets her head out the window and the hair goes every which direction. I guess I shouldnt have laughed so hard, but it still makes me grin to this day.

Willie

 

[fljab]

One of my past favorites for not so savy computering friends: <snip>

We had a guy at work that couldn't type; he was a "hunt'n'pecker" kind of guy. Someone (I found out later, but not at the time) switched some of his key covers around on the keyboard when he was offline, so he couldn't get online because his password wouldn't work.

He'd get really mad and eventually call the computer help desk where he'd get it reset and all would be OK - because he was still typing in the wrong keys albeit correctly if you know what I mean. The next day, his keys are changed again, only back to the correct configuration, so the process starts over again...

He swore someone was coming over and somehow resetting his password, which of course no one can do except the IT guys on the phone which none of us have contact with except via phone and only after they confirm who you are.

 

[SacramentoMike]

I did this one today. Back on page 1 I told one my ex-wife pulled on me, so now I'm making her replacement pay for it. I went to court today--waaaay out of town--on a ticket I picked up this spring--story elsewhere. So I called the wife and when she answered, I said, in a very down-hearted voice, "you're going to have to contact a bail bondsman here in Ridgecrest."

"You're not SERIOUS??!!" she says, and I continued, "and you're going to have to bake a cake with a file in it." I think that's when she figured it out. :lol:

 

[Dave in NJ]

I worked with a young (19-20) Portugese guy named Vic who loved to play practical jokes. One day he made up a bumper sticker that said "GAY PRIDE" and put it on the back of my pick up.

That afternoon I was taking some equipment home and as I loaded it I noticed and removed the sticker.

Next day I acted as though nothing happened and at break saw Vic head out the lot to see if it was still on the truck. He was wary after that and me and few others noticed him doing a walk around of his car (a white Trans Am with T roofs) each night before he left.

After a week or so Vic forgot all about it and stopped checking his car. Time for payback.

Vic was a real ladies man, spent a lot of time on his appearance and $ on his clothes. Told us his car was a chick magnet. He and his friends (most were Portugese) would hang around at a Dairy Queen in town every evening after work. There were usually 15-20 guys and girls.

I made up a very professional looking bumper sticker with white letters on a black background - "Portugese, Gay, Proud" and placed it on his bumper right before quitting time.

Next day he came up to me first thing and told me "So I go to the DQ, park my car and start walking over to my friends at the picnic tables and they're all watching me smiling and laughing. Of course when I got there they pointed back at my car and I saw the sticker but by then so had the all the girls.". He then called me a few choice names but was smiling the whole time. Later that day he came to me and we agreed to a truce - but I still checked my truck every day for a month.

 

[Duezzer]

Joke #1

One fella at work thought it would be funny to have Cosmopolitain sent to a co-worker at the work address

Co-worker replied by having Play Girl sent to other fella and signs him up for the local Gay Rodeo ( insert Bust a Nut Joke here )

Joke #2

First joker pisses in buddies windshield washer resevior

Month latter joker brags about the joke

2nd joker smiles and says - gee your hair smells a little pissy today ( at a party 2 weeks earlier joker #2 pissed in Joker #1s shampoo bottle )

 

[1FJR]

We got a new LT and we had been warned that he was a practical joker. Well one of the deputies figured he would get him first which he did. But then the LT went and got some broken car window glass and spread it on the ground near where this deputy had parked his vehicle during training, then the LT moved the deputy's car. Said deputy came out and his vehicle was gone and there was glass on the ground. He tried to get the Sgt's to call the LT to explain about his vehicle being "stolen". The Sgt's would not do it so the deputy had to call the LT. The LT kept him going on the phone for 10 minutes or so about how much trouble he was in and how many days off he was going to have to take if he even kept his job, before telling him where his car was.

At my first department many years ago the Sgt there decided to hide a officers car. So it was arranged that the officer would get sent into the pedestrian area on a dog complaint. While he was away from his vehicle the Sgt moved it. Then the officer was dispatched to a fight in progress. Well when the officer ran back to his car it was gone. He stopped and looked around and after a minute got on the radio and said that his car had been stolen. Dispatch kept feeding him false information on where his car was last seen. Leading him all the way to the top of the parking structure where we were all standing. He arrived in a full sprint and not real happy to see the whole night shift there laughing. Of course he got some payback as the Sgt forgot to tell town next door about this and they thought a cop car had been stolen.

 

[evilmedic13]

Whenever I can, I'll ask someone eating ice cream if theirs smells funny, while sniffing mine and making a disgusted face. As soon as they get close enough for a good sniff.....WHAM! I slap it right into their nose. The looks are usually hilarious, to me. It works on everyone that hasn't been done in by me. How many here know what ice cream smells like?

 

[SacramentoMike]

Whenever I can, I'll ask someone eating ice cream if theirs smells funny, while sniffing mine and making a disgusted face. As soon as they get close enough for a good sniff.....WHAM! I slap it right into their nose. The looks are usually hilarious, to me. It works on everyone that hasn't been done in by me. How many here know what ice cream smells like?

I like to do that with soup.

 

[Patriot]

Whenever I can, I'll ask someone eating ice cream if theirs smells funny, while sniffing mine and making a disgusted face. As soon as they get close enough for a good sniff.....WHAM! I slap it right into their nose.

I did that once with wedding cake

most at the event thought it was quite funny

Got my *** whipped in front of everyone

:blink:

 

[Tenchi]

Whenever I can, I'll ask someone eating ice cream if theirs smells funny, while sniffing mine and making a disgusted face. As soon as they get close enough for a good sniff.....WHAM! I slap it right into their nose. The looks are usually hilarious, to me. It works on everyone that hasn't been done in by me. How many here know what ice cream smells like?

I'd be totally pissed if someone did that. I'm highly defensive over my ice cream.

For my Dad's 50th, our "uncle" came to visit. He's known Dad a pretty long time. 28 years by that point actually. Apparently, when Dad was 24, he dumped a bucket of ice cold water over Uncle when he was in the shower, resulting in Uncle chasing Dad down the barracks completely in the nude, before running back to the shower.

Now, 26 years on, Dad's cheeky son got it in his mind that revenge was a dish best served cold.

Ice cold.

I haven't told Dad yet that it wasn't Uncle. Maybe I will when he turns 60. 65. 67 and a half.

 

[Larry33319]

Many years ago I was in the Marine Airwing stationed on the USS Guadalcanal for a Med Cruise. On an LPH we had our squadron, an Infantry detachment, and the Navy to run the ship. We always had something to do because we were always flying and working on the Helocopters. The Grunts just has Inspections, PT, and not much of anything else. Every once in a while we would get 4-6 of us and start a line in front of a locked door. It never failed that a Grunt would walk by and ask what the line was for. We would explain that a candy store was getting ready to open and we wanted to be first in line. They would tell a few friends and then join us in line. After a while we would have to report for duty or some other excuse and leave the line. An hour or so later we would stop by and find 75 to 100 Grunts standing in line for that locked door. We did that several times over 6 months and they never did catch on.

When I first reported to my assigned Squadron fresh out of school a very nice guy took me aside and explained what a flight line was and some of the jokes that people liked to play on new members like myself. I went to the Avionics shop and reported. An hour or so later someone sent me to the tool room to get 25 yards of flight line. I had been warned earlier so I decided to have some fun of my own. I went back to my barracks and took a nap for 2 hours. I then went back to the shop and explained how the tool room guy sent me somewhere else and so on. They all got a nice laugh and I got a nice nap.

 

[Frushlorton]

I have been involved in quite a few, but my favorite was having a new troop conduct "radiation" checks around a large steel antenna w/ a gigacounter known to you and I as a metal detector. When that thing squawked, I ran screaming. We had him sitting in a field for about 30 mins waiting on the decontamination unit from the base via chopper.

He kept saying he was itching and we would tell him (over the PA in the truck) for God's sake, don't scratch. We threw a gas mask and big silver fire gloves to him. I can still see him sitting on the Dakota plains in that get up. :yahoo:

After 30 mins, we called on the PA to terminate the exercise. He was mad until winter time.

That's when he inquired how we got the paper at the missile site. I told him the same way the farmers did, the paper delivery driver brought it. So......the next morning when the wind was whipping 20+mph and the temp was 30 below, I sent him to the end of the access road (about 200 yards) to wait for the paper.

He put on his bunny pants, muckaluks and parka w/ furry hood and mask and ventured out. He had been out there about 25 mins when the on-coming crew came in. They asked if I knew I had an Airman at the end of the access road? I said I did. They asked what he was doing? I explained he was waiting on the paper. They looked puzzeled and explained "they bring the paper daily". To which I answered "I know!"

When the chosen frozen Airman came in to find his whole team reading today's paper, he was ticked. I think he was still mad when he was discharged , But that's a different story.

 

[user 6393]

I was working reception one day at the Veterinary Hospital I was at for 10 years.

The phone rang, and on the other end was a male voice, with a very thick east indian accent.

"We have a problem with our hampster, it has parasites and we want to put it down"

Normally, this is not a difficult situation, but this "gentleman" 1st asked, "as it is their custom in their country to eat the body of the dead pet, would that be ok to do that based on the parasite it had" (not to mention the chemical we inject to euthanize the pet?)

Of course, I explained the reasons why that was not a good idea, taking great pains to be "culturally neutral".

Then, "Can my son kiss it goodbye?" - Well, with an unknown parasite on it's body, no....

On and on, question after question for about 8 minutes. I handled them all, calmly and respectfully.

Until the last question, that is...............................................

"Are you the pretty blonde at the front desk with the lovely large breasts?

(also said in a very think east indian accent)

At that moment I knew EXACTLY who it was. One of the Vet's I worked with, her high school buddy, Jeff - 52 going on 12, perpetually!!!

I was in front of a waiting area full of people, so I ducked my head below the counter and whispered into the phone...

"You are ******* dead meat!!!!"

He was laughing away, but also very impressed how I handled the entire call - "You're good!!!"

I said, "you have NO idea"......and hung up on him!!!!!

 

[SacramentoMike]

I said, "you have NO idea"......

We don't either, but we have good imaginations.

 

[Patriot]

bump it

 

[frito1]

When I was a little feller my aunt, an old maid, got married at our house. My dad and his brothers made a note and taped it under the license plate where it would be visible when you were filling up with gas. My aunt's new husband was a bit older than her and did not drive, so they headed off on a big honeymoon road trip with her driving. This was in the 60's so when they made the first gas stop the pump boy acted appropriately and called the police. What did the note say? "Help this man is kidnapping me. Please call the police." Needless to say heads rolled upon her return.

 

[Patriot]

bump

 

[LagerHead]

One for the geeks in the group:

A coworker, Asif, and I had a little running geek war going. It started when he changed the display on my phone so that when someone called it said I was the secretary. For my retaliation a little background is required. Asif was from Bangladesh and was here on a work visa that he let expire. He told us one way to get the visa back quicker was to farm onions. So I changed his display to "Onion Farmer." We were on a conference call with another internal employee who asked him why his display said "Onion Farmer." I then got into the phone system and took away all his privileges so he couldn't change it back. I can't remember how he retaliated but he called uncle upon mine.

In Novell networks they have a command in the login script called "ping" that plays the file ping.wav when you log in. It has a numerical value associated with it (ping=x) that tells the computer how many times to play ping.wav. So I replaced his ping.wav file with another one of the same name. But the file I replaced it with was acutally a South Park sound file of the teacher Mr. Garrison saying "I am 100% not gay," but I edited out the word "not" and set ping=25 in his login script. The next time he logged in his computer announced "I am 100% gay!" 25 times.

 

[Bounce]

After getting home from a 2 year Army tour in S. Korea, I learned by brother was going to be stationed (Navy) in Hawaaii and that part of his tour would take him to port in Korea (far south to my far north).

I gave him a little "brotherly advice".

When you land in port and need a cab, watch out for them taking you the long way to rack up higher fees. As you get in and give them your destination, casually toss a "bahli bahli" in there. It's like saying please and it'll make them think you've been there before so they won't try to trick you.

Nearly 2 years later, he came home on leave. As we were catching up, I asked him how Korea was.

He slugged me in the shoulder so hard I was sore for a few day. [hint: "bahli bahli" means "hurry hurry".]

He then went into a side splitting story about how some insane cabbie (in a country where lanes and traffic laws are mearly glimmers of a suggestion) proceeded to take him on the most life-threatening and fear-inducing ride of his life; climaxing in trying to turn left across 4 lanes of oncomming traffic and stalling the cab.

:haha:

I love it when a plan comes together! :yahoo:

 

[wfooshee]

In Novell networks they have a command in the login script called "ping" that plays the file ping.wav when you log in. It has a numerical value associated with it (ping=x) that tells the computer how many times to play ping.wav. So I replaced his ping.wav file with another one of the same name. But the file I replaced it with was acutally a South Park sound file of the teacher Mr. Garrison saying "I am 100% not gay," but I edited out the word "not" and set ping=25 in his login script. The next time he logged in his computer announced "I am 100% gay!" 25 times.

Oooh, a Novell geek! My first Netware was on 4 5.25" floppies and would run on a PC-XT with a 10-MB hard disk and 256K of RAM!

Nothing to do with practical jokes, but it shows how friggin' long I've been at this job!