Here you go, boys and girls, way too much personal information and disgusting description coming your way. Read on if you dare.
Maybe Mrs.RadioHowie is going in to get a hemorrhoid removed. Piece of cake (or varicose vein, as it were). They tip you up on the table of shame, in a position similar to your first day in prison. Then they turn on a light with about 8 billion candlepower, so bright you can feel your nether side heating up. (Gotta be a frightening, terrible few moments for the nurse and doctor). THEN, you receive several shots of novocaine in the "you-know-where". DO NOT jump or be alarmed when the doctor says "OK, you're going to feel a little prick". Unless, of course you feel two hands on your shoulders. Once numb, the only other sensation you will feel is warm fluid running down across the taint and scrotal area. (OK, go throw up now, but not on your keyboard). They semi-insert some gauze, tip the table back up, and you're on your way, without, of course, any remaining shred of dignity.
From the time I stepped into the doctor's room, to the time I was in my car, seated semicomfortably, was 15 minutes. For the remainder of the day, the gauze remains. It feels like a slight wedgie all day, but being a severe dork when I was young (and, some say, still to this day), I was familiar with this long forgotten discomfort. Later that day, remove the not-so-pristine-anymore gauze, and go about your life.
So, now you know. If you have a hemi issue, go get it taken care of. You will be relieved, but without any dignity left. When you greet the doctor, DO NOT shake his hand, as you now know where it has possibly been.
Hope Mrs. RH's surgery was of this fairly insignificant nature, and not more serious. Get well soon.
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