Can they really break from being too tight and if so how? Is this from a wearing of the valve seats or the tappet/bucket?
Well, we'll have to take 'Welldunn's word for it (he was there, he saw the damage and reported it) -- I guess anything's possible...?
It is, sometimes, hard to reconstruct the sequence of events (and, the original culprit) from examining the results of a disaster. Valves, nowadays, wear (if they wear at all...?) in the area of the valve face and valve seat and the (designed-in) clearance becomes less. In an extreme case: all the clearance would, eventually, go-away and the valve would be left -- open (some). For an exhaust valve, this would probably cause eroding of metal (burning) of the valve face and some eroding of the valve seat -- and the resulting loss of compression.
Valves have been known to break (historically, auto/engine-industry-wide) on very rare occasions from basic mechanical/fracture failure (bad part).
The tappet/bucket (cam follower) has, I believe, an enviable service-life -- hardened, no/negligible wear -- as with the (similarly, hardened) cam lobes .