Things we learn from the movies.

[feejer222]

Things We Learn From Movies

Feel free to add your observations.

1. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

2. If you are blonde, pretty, and have big boobies it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of twenty-two.

3. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

4. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

5. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

7. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.

8. Every "ugly-duckling" woman becomes stunningly beautiful the minute she takes off her glasses and lets down her hair.

9. If you're a sexy superheroine in a skimpy outfit and get captured by a realy evil villain, he will make no attempt to remove your costume.

10. When you fall in a lake or the ocean, after climbing out it only takes 1 scene for you to drip dry completely.

 

[Wolfhound]

Revolvers have a bazillion shot capacity . . . .

 

[Feejer/Weejer man]

Make a pact in a scary movie to stay together. Then proceed to separate and all get killed one by one.

The black guy is always the first to get snuffed out.

 

[Bounce]

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

correction: Apple laptops may not work with many other computers in the world but they will connect to one in an alien space ship.

If you are blonde, pretty, and have big boobies it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of twenty-two.

and ride a motorcycle like there's no tomorrow... as long as you wear all white and your helmet has "She Devil" painted on the back.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

and if you "get lucky" you can bet it won't be long before you get Dead at the hands of a maniac.

any time you decide to ride faster than the speed limit, there will be a glass company moving the world's largest pane of glass across the street... right in you path.

 

[sonicspeed]

hot women always go for the fat ugly guys

 

[phil]

Bad guys cannot hit the broad side of a barn with a firearm, but heroes never miss.

There's always an orchestra nearby to play music.

Babes love scars and sweat and big muscles.

 

[NightShine]

he black guy guy wearing the red shirt (eg Startrek) is always the first to get snuffed out.

 

[GunMD]

Cell phones never need charging. And the "Hollywood Service Plan" gets full coverage globally.

No dead spots.

 

[uctofeej]

One good-guy punch to the jaw knocks out any bad guy, but not vice versa.

Getting some air in a car never, ever has bad consequences

Cop cars flip over too easily when chasing the good guys

The good guy/bad guy fight always finishes right before the cops get there

 

[Groo]

Any vehicle driven by the hero that jumps a chasm/opening will land in such a way that the motorcycle/car is minimally damaged, if at all (although if there's a slow motion shot, you might see the hood appear to fly open, or the front axle appear to break off, or the front forks appear to split).

Cars blow up nearly instantaneously, despite government proscribed safety measures out the wazzoo, if you shoot bullets or a shotgun at the car just right.

When speeding down streets at elevated speeds during a pursuit, all the other motorists somehow never get in your way (unless you're the bad guy, and only near the end of the chase), and if you drive down the wrong side of the road, you'll somehow never run into stop and go traffic, but will always find a path to weave through.

Nobody in action flicks ever has to go to the bathroom.

No matter what strenuous stuff you've been doing up to that point, if you dive into the water, you'll be able to hold your breath long enough for all the explosions to go off above you, and you'll be able to swim far enough away to evade any bullets the pursuers are shooting in your general direction.

 

[user 10407]

- a crashed car will stictly explode after you leave it

- in NYC it's possibe to jump from roof to roof on the skyscrapers ... if you fall down there is a car or a trash container and will save you

- in SF you can race down the hills in rush hour without crashing into the crossing traffic

BTW:

- stock cars can jump over 30 feet, touch down with firesparkles and stay valid

- it's posible to catch a GSX-R1000 riding a GSR600 on the rearwheel (if you are the good guy)

- every spotty teeny can hack the NATO defence system (or NORAD, FBI, CIA computer) from a college workstation or internet café

- ugly guys are IT specialists

- your cellular phone won't work in case of emergency

 

[Bounce]

There's always an orchestra nearby to play music.

<I'm Gonna Get You Sucka>

every hero has to have a theme song!

</I'm Gonna Get You Sucka>

 

[feejer222]

The bad guy ALWAYS has an English accent.

You can do a spinning, one handed stoppie and fire your weapon accurately.

Heroes never have curly hair.

Bruce Willis's vest gets dirty mysteriously.

Robin Hood is just fine with an American accent, no need to act at all.

Any car can keep up with a motorcycle.

Four stroke bikes quite often sound like two strokes and visa versa.

When being chased on a bike and a car gets in the way, quite often you only need to pull on the handlebars to jump over it.

 

[phil]

Oh . . . Oh! Here's one that drives me crazy: When you slam on the brakes, or put the pedal to the metal in car, on a GRAVEL OR DIRT ROAD, the tires SQUEAL! How the hell . . . .?

 

[RTSR1/FJR]

To be a Plumber, all you need to know is: Not to lick your fingers and know shit don't run up hill!

 

[Fencer]

Cars blow up nearly instantaneously, despite government proscribed safety measures out the wazzoo, if you shoot bullets or a shotgun at the car just right.

And seem to come to a sudden stop just before exploding, then roll while on fire.

You can get sucker hit by a bat/pipe/2x4 and it not hurt

If you are a good guy(and sometimes bad) you can get (several times each) shot, stabbed, electrocuted, hit, kicked, and choked, yet still find the power to kick 30 guys asses.

1 (good guy) can ALWAYS kick the ass of the 20 bad guys circling around him (must be a Marine)

Those same 20 guys always attack 1 at a time.

 

[eeksnake]

Oh my, the can of worms we have opened...

(Coming from the man who is always asked to leave the room when a war flick comes on.)

- One only needs to toss a hand grenade to blow up a bunch of bad guys through the air, vaporize a jeep or rip the roof off a bunker.

- That 30 round machine gun belt conveniently laying over our hero's arm will last through at least three or four scenes.

- Recoilless weapons have no back-blast (think Rambo II).

- If your vehicle breaks down, that orchestra always finds you and starts playing the creepy music.

- On a parachute jump, you can talk as long as you want to while standing in the aircraft door. Your group will all land within feet of each other.

 

[ponyfool]

Let's see. Just from the police perspective of things we know from the movies:

- Cops never need a warrant, but if they do, they just call and tell someone where to deliver it

- Anyone can pretend to be a cop and just walk into the precinct to get what they need

- Foot pursuits can last up to a mile with no swarming of officers, just the cop and bad guy

- Cops don't need radios to broadcast their location and every other cop seems to know exactly where to go telepathically

- Police radios actually work

- When a cop tells someone to put their hands behind their back, the suspect always complies

- Cops have to break the rules to catch the real bad guys, and it's ok as long as the bad guy is actually caught

- Cops apparently never have a round chambered prior to encountering a bad guy or entering a house

- Cops either live in squalor or have some type arrangement to live the high life, there is no middle class cop

- Citizens respect cops and offer their assistance whenever asked unless covering for the bad guy

- Cops don't have to write any reports

- Cops don't have to write any reports or stand trial for wantonly shooting into a crowd at a fleeing bad guy

- Cops get laid by some of the hottest women - Oh, wait, that one is true!

- But, if the cop falls in love with the hottie, the bad guy always kills her or she was the bad guy's girl in the first place

- The good cop is usually a drunk

- Police cars are actually fast (although that may change soon if we ever get the Hemi Chargers)

- Helicopter support is always immediate

I'm sure I can think of dozens of others, and I haven't even started with the doctor bullshit!

 

[Bounce]

- Cops apparently never have a round chambered prior to encountering a bad guy or entering a house

now THERE'S one that always tickes me off!

anyone (good guy or bad) who is confronting an opponent and holding them at gunpoint (shotgun, pistol, etc.) will talk to the detainee for a while and THEN rack a round into the chamber when they need to up their threats to the detainee.

- wtf? the gun was effectively UNLOADED the whole time or did you just choose to throw away a round for sake of appearances?

- Helicopter support is always immediate

helecopters are always in the air within a minute of firing things up. there's never a need to spin up or for the crew chief to do a walk around.