A LITTLE PSYCH 101 HELP

[evilmedic13]

I figure if anybody can be blunt it's you guys,I gots my own ideas here so pleas lay your thoughts on me. I figure all the collective life experiences everybody here has, i might get some different opinions that aren't biased toward being protective so here goes...................

L ast few weeks old lady's been REALLY argumentative,i mean days of being a total wench. If it's I'm not putting out enough, it's me not doing enough around the house or somethin 'bout me and the bike supposedly chasing chicks.One minute easy going then BAM! super jealous of any of my hobbies and how I ignore her. No I'm not picking up anybody between low self esteem and the er6i's I don't notice any broads checking me out enough to even think about it. I work every 4 days except for 3 trades i did in the last 3-4 weeks then it was every other day a 24hr shift.

Then her favorite line lately is "if i'm not gettin' it somebody must be" and the kicker is today I find a ticket to an ice show that i wasn't at(at firehouse that day) I called the venue it was at and they said it was an ice show put on by kids,innocent enough but I don't know of anybody she know's that has kids that live near that suburb OR ice skate. Something smells fishy.Between all the untrusting behavior(accusing me of messing around) from her recently and the bitchiness I figured maybe hormonal stress and me being exhausted from work lately might be the problem. N ormally my motto is "he who looks under the bed has been there before",just yesterday she accused me of lying about one of the medics I hang out stopping by a few weeks ago,rather late but he couldn't sleep due to personal problems and i am a night owl BIG TIME, rather she said it was possibly a female. I told she is wacked and if she doesn't believe me to call him or his wife 'cuz he told his wife when he got home what I advised and she even agreed w/ me (rare).Just to clarify NONE of behavior has changed in the last few months. Meaning no new workout routine(i'd have to get off my ass for that)no change in clothing style,no mystery about anything! she can see and hear my cell phone at all time's it's not locked even though hers is always off or charging.

Sorry this is so long winded but I figured 'splain as much as possible to get the best feedback. Shoot away

 

[Rogue]

Well in my experience when someone starts accusing you of something like that you need to find out what they are doing.

If she has just started doing this and there is really nothing you are doing then she is doing something she is feeling guilty about.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[throttlejockeyTJ]

Whew! Thats alot to jump in the middle of. It sounds like it is time to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Tell her you want things to be better between you. Something is going wrong, and you have to find exactly what it is. The making of a big deal about petty things usually means it is something else. You don't mention your ages, or how long you have been married. When women start going through the change of life (menopause) it can bring out a change of behavior. A closer friend aquainted with the both of you may be of more help. Hope you get ahandle on it. TJ

Do you have a female relative she talks freely to? It might be easier for her to tell another female.

 

[twowheelnut]

Rogue nailed it. Classic scenario. Accusatory self preservation. Read: Accuse the other for what you yourself are doing.

Sorry about your woes, bro. Hang tough.

 

[fjr]

Sounds like time for a long talk....with her.

 

[exskibum]

They're all insane. And they're all insatiable and unreasonable attention mongers. My soon to be ex GF took to regularly and nastily reciting a littany of all my shortcomings, plus a few that were made out of whole cloth -- seemingly with NO provocation. Since scolding me and telling me how to live my life are the only things that I absolutely will not tolerate and have always made that clear, when she wouldn't stop, I called it quits. Moving in the next couple weeks, and she FINALLY realizes she ****** up in a way that irrevocably changed a good relationship into ****. It's hard to feel like fawning over her,giving her gifts and treating her like the world revolves around her when the only thing I want to do is hide from her to avoid getting attacked, run down and made to feel like I've done something wrong.

The equipment is hardwired heterosexual, so turning gay isn't an option, but friends are admonished to kick me in the balls as hard as they can if they ever see me with a woman again. Good thing we have internet porn, huh?

Good luck with your fiance. Getting married is something I won't be doing again. I think you've recited some of the reasons.

 

[Scab]

Wow. There are many directions this thing could go and none are good.

Sometimes, people that accuse alot do so because of their own fears and insecurities. This is something that you can try to reassure, but you cannot fix in another. Sorry, been there, tried that. The other option is that human nature tends to think that others think and do as we do, therefore, some that accuse are themselves guilty.

Sometimes, when there is a slight disagreement between two people and one of the two immediately drops the nukes (reaction not warranted by the circumstances), it is because they really do not want to be in the relationship and are looking for some circumstance to warrant the break-up. I sooths the conscience, like it's not all their fault then. Some people have an extremely hard time saying "I don't want to be with you anymore" when you have done nothing wrong. They need to make you the "bad" one, at least in part, to make the break easier on themselves, more justified. (been there, did that)

The other side of the coin, just to play devil's advocate. Have YOU changed any? Really? Are you starting to take her for granted? Do you tell her the same things you did when you won her heart? Do you know what her favorite color is? What color are her eyes? What is the last thing you went out of your way to do for her that was nice? Etc., etc. Take an honest look in the mirror.

If we're good here, or even if we're not, it's time for a sit-down, face-to-face, no distractions, eye-to-eye talk. If she's not willing, that will tell you a lot. If she does - listen. Hard.

Maybe she never approved of the things you did, but she thought she could "change" you and now she realizes she can't and she is tired of the whole thing.

Maybe there is some new guy that is need of an arse-whoopin'

Maybe I am full of crap.

Try the talk. Don't get angry. See what happens there first.

 

[Mike-H]

Have a face to face....heart to heart....if you know how to read her do it....eg....If she has certain traits that show whether shes fibbing or not....or telling the whole truth....if your a long term relationship & you want to keep it, do what you have to do....some things in life are worth fighting for & some things aren't....life is short....the old adage is if you both put 110% in and expect 50% back things should work out fine....just out of curiosity....you didn't miss some really important or significant date to her?....that can set them off....oh ya....whatever I tell you & $1.25 will buy you a cup of coffee....I've learnt the older I get the less I know....good luck, hope it works out the way you want....

 

[BlueBear06]

A female point of view here....

Scab has many points, all possible. It could be that she is busy elsewhere and is trying to divert attention and feels guilty. The insecurity monster could be rearing it's ugly head. It could also be that she want's to break up with you.

IF, big if, you can get her to sit down and talk to you, really talk to you and find out what is bothering her, it may help out in the long run. It may make you two closer. If she won't do a sit down, you've got a long hard fight if you really want to keep her.

Beware of sending flowers or a special dinner out. This may backfire on you in the worst way. A sit down in a quiet coffee shop may work.... depends on how much she likes making a scene.

No matter what.... good luck with getting what you want out of the relationship.

Vicki

 

[Warchild]

We have a saying over on the Blackbird forum that has generally proven itself true time and time again:

All women are psychotic. ALL women. The trick is to find a woman who's psychosis you can live with.

Now personally, I'm not necessarily sure that ALL women are psychotic, it's just that 97.3% of them are, so it just seems that all of them are.

In your particular case, 'bro, if she's displaying this level of neurosis and you're not even frickin' married yet, WTF do you think the future is going to hold for you?

Too, we need to keep in mind that sex is an unusally accurate barometer as far as the relationship goes. If the sex department is also in rough shape (and it sounds like it is), then this is certainly a key indicator.

So here's some tough love for you, 'bro: punt her to the curb, and move forward with your life.

And do it soon.

 

[Scab]

Another option:

Buy another motorcycle. Motorcycles hurt you less.

 

[sparky3008]

My deep dark experience. Sex.

In the beginning of my relationships sex is pretty often but as time goes by it becomes less and less to eventually almost not at all. It is how I personally have always been.

My wife takes it for so long and then starts to go on rampages of how I don't love her anymore, divorce on and on. How I must be cheating the whole nine yards.

I know exactly why she is doing it, after all it has been 6 months and I know it is time.

However at this point there is no sense in saying, "Lets have sex", as it is her time to vent but I do know I have to do it soon.

Other than the sex department my wife and I still act like we are dating. We constantly pick on each other, chase each other around the house. We talk all the time, go places together everything but for me sex is just something I don't do as often as I should.

If you aren't doing it frequent enough it will lead to everything you are mentioning and is time to step up.

I don't necessarily say she is cheating as mine says the same things as yours right down to accusing me of cheating. Once we have sex she is back to her normal self.

However I will say keeping a cool head on your part is very important. Don't confront her anger with your own it will only make it worse. You will have to be the one tomorrow to instigate the sex part though...

Good Luck.

Oh, and forget I said any of this

 

[wheatonFJR]

Just remember...all of the above is free advice. The kind you asked for. What do your paramedic buddies think? They know you ...and maybe they know her...

 

[TheAxeman]

How bout dem Mets.....

 

[FJRMGM]

+1 to this ---> They're all insane.

We just don't realize the level of their psychcosis when we first meet them.

Remember: Women are like buses, you miss this one and another will be along in 15 minutes.

 

[The Professor]

Trust your instincts! I was in a similar situation many years ago. My ex-wife was always on my case about something, except she was really subtle about it. Eventually she dumps me and makes out like it’s my fault. Turns out she's the one having the affair.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, the day my ex left was the best day of my life. Eventually I met and married the most awesome woman imaginable. How awesome you ask? She bought me an FJR for my birthday.

So with that said, here’s the advice that’s worth exactly how much you paid for it.

1) Just because you love someone and have great sex with them doesn’t mean you should marry them.

2) Breaking up is much easier than divorce.

3) There’s still hope for your relationship but the two of you have to learn how to communicate.

Obviously #3 is easier said than done. Since they don’t teach you stuff like that in school, try reading “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. There’s a chapter in there on communication. Just don’t let the other FJR pilots see you with it in your tank bag.

 

[Scab]

Also keep in mind:

The man who wrote "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"...

His wife left him.

Shows what the hell anyone knows.

 

[Toecutter]

So here's some tough love for you, 'bro: punt her to the curb, and move forward with your life.
And do it soon.

But all of what WC said was true to my knowledge.

And Rogue & TWN as well.

One thing I haven't seen suggested yet- A good therapist. They keep the playing field honest and the players fighting fairly. You're both responsible, to some extent, for the mess you're in. With the right help you can get to where you both need to be (apart or together) a lot more efficiently.

A couple in therapy is quite often in less trouble than a couple who aren't. I think of it as preventive maintenance for the relationship. Even an FJR will eventually quit running with enough neglect.

 

[zorkler]

talk , talk , talk , if she will not have a one on one you might need to suggest a counselor . I have been with the same woman for the past 28 years . With a hell of alot of ups and downs . When i suggested a psychologist she hit the roof , but in time she went for it and it help . we all change . your not the same person when you first met your bride and she sure is not the same at all . Patience is the key .