When you get the lawyer...make sure you know what is important to you also. So you don't start fighting over **** that you could care less about. If you hate the cat, don't fight over it. I watched a couple fight over silly **** like that. The lawyers were the only ones that got anything by the time they were done fighting.
EXCELLENT advice there.
And as was said above, do your homework and have specific questions you want answered. The best thing you can do in going to see a lawyer is to have everything organized -- an outline of the facts and issues, with easily findable (or indexed) documents to support that outline. Point is that you want your lawyer to spend as little time as possible getting up to speed on a case he or she knows NOTHING about when you walk in the door. Makes the attorney-client team much better, you get better advice and the bill is far more affordable.
You're best off spending money very early on a lawyer to get the lay of the land, avoid making costly mistakes and put yourself in a position to choose from a wide range of as yet unforeclosed options about a strategy and course of action. Hopefully, the divorce can truly be done amicably, because emotionally driven cases (dissolutions are the no,. 1 example) only make the cost higher and the lawyers win.
Write down and be willing to discuss "negotiation packages" with your lawyer. That is: one is your bottom line sheet splitting list. Then do your real wish list. And then try to come up with some in between compromise packages. Let the lawyer know what issues are important to you, what are less important and what are mere bargaining chips (might be important to her and you can give them up in exchange for something important to you). This will REALLY save you some money and maximize your satisfaction in negotiating a resolution -- especially if your lawyer does the negotiating.
My ex and I (both lawyers, but not divorce lawyers and no kids) spent $300 on filing fees as the total cost for dissolving our 18 year marriage. Took us 3 weeks to agree to a split of things, and we're still friends 5 years later. There were a couple legal issues that could have gone either way (and we're probably each still convinced that our positions were the winning ones), but if we'd insisted on having a judge decide who was right, the lawyers (divorce shysters, not us) would have been the big winners and we might not still be friends.
But do protect yourself and get competent advice early. If my and others' perspectives are any indication, the woman on the other side of this divorce bears little resemblance to the sweet thing you dated and walked down the aisle with. She may get some of that back after it's over, maybe not. If possible, do it amicably. It's cheaper, and easier on the psyche.
General litigation advice: Always appear to be the reasonable party. The litigation process has never and will never change the other party's personality. It's about bottom line, and the cost of the process is a big part of that.
Good luck. It's amazing how much better things are when it's over. I mean: no mo' bitching, you're not wrong for anything and everything you do, women are attracted to you, and best of all -- they're even NICE to you again!!!!
