Any good divorce lawyer out there

[boomerang]

I would think that playing Mr.Nice guy would depend on if you have property or assettes. No kids ? That could change things. Listen to you head and not your heart.

 

[sml-27]

Thanks for the advice guys and girls, so far she is playing nice with me, telling me she will pay for the divorce and the lawyer fees and she used that word "amicable" so she wants us to meet with a lawyer on monday to talk things out with him, what should I do?

We have a house we have lived in for 2 years, we have a car payment of 400 dollars a month we have a bike payment of 170 of month.

She has school loans aswell so im not sure if we go 50/50 im responsable for half of that and we have a 2 small credit cards. Thats it.

Her idea of amicable is she gets the house in her name and if or when she sells it I get half then, and she will also take the full loan of the car payment , I will take over the bike payment and she keeps her credit card and I keep mine. And pretty much she keeps all the junk in the house if I agree to that we will still stay "freinds" because after all she keeps telling me im ALWAYS going to be her bestfreind.

Or do I go for option B : Screw being freinds sell the house now and we split everything 50/50 and I take alamony.

Or option C : Tell her to back off with the divorce for a few weeks so I can clear my mind, after all its only been a week of being seperated.

Thanks for the support

 

[03HiYoSilver]

sml,

I would go with her to see the lawyer and get a rough draft of the terms and then I would take this document to your own legal counsel to see if it is OK with them.

This will save the both of you a lot of $$ as long as you agree to amicable terms.

Good luck with this very difficult situation.

 

[Bob McCarthy]

Thanks for the advice guys and girls, so far she is playing nice with me, telling me she will pay for the divorce and the lawyer fees and she used that word "amicable" so she wants us to meet with a lawyer on monday to talk things out with him, what should I do?
We have a house we have lived in for 2 years, we have a car payment of 400 dollars a month we have a bike payment of 170 of month.

She has school loans aswell so im not sure if we go 50/50 im responsable for half of that and we have a 2 small credit cards. Thats it.

Her idea of amicable is she gets the house in her name and if or when she sells it I get half then, and she will also take the full loan of the car payment , I will take over the bike payment and she keeps her credit card and I keep mine. And pretty much she keeps all the junk in the house if I agree to that we will still stay "freinds" because after all she keeps telling me im ALWAYS going to be her bestfreind.

Or do I go for option B : Screw being freinds sell the house now and we split everything 50/50 and I take alamony.

Or option C : Tell her to back off with the divorce for a few weeks so I can clear my mind, after all its only been a week of being seperated.

Thanks for the support

I would guess the only real point is "how much equity in the house?". If alot (and be reasonable about the house price in this crappy market) then you have to get your due. If you have 10% or less in the house, in this market, let her have it with you having a back end participation. On the surface, sounds like a hellofa deal to me. The devil unfortunately is in the details.

By the way doesn't hurt to talk (listen) with the attorney. No one is expecting you to have a final decision. Listen - not speak is my recommendation. just act civil to keep it from becoming emotional.

bob

bob

 

[Scab]

I would go with her to see the lawyer and get a rough draft of the terms and then I would take this document to your own legal counsel to see if it is OK with them.

This sounds reasonable. If she is truly wanting things to be amicable, then she shouldn't mind you coming along as an un-represented observer.

 

[Checkswrecks]

In this day of falling home prices, make sure that you're not signing up to kick in money when she sells, if the price of the house goes down from here!

 

[YooperDick]

There isn't a crime a man can commit that carries the emotional and financial bankruptcy than selecting the wrong mate. Spousal selection is similar to the science employed when buying a horse; look them over the best you can, close your eyes, raise your head and command your future to God. Get it behind you as fast as you can. Worry and regret are the cancer of the mind.

 

[exskibum]

There isn't a crime a man can commit that carries the emotional and financial bankruptcy than selecting the wrong mate. Spousal selection is similar to the science employed when buying a horse; look them over the best you can, close your eyes, raise your head and command your future to God. Get it behind you as fast as you can. Worry and regret are the cancer of the mind.

Some truly profound observations and advice there, Dick! :clapping:

 

[sml-27]

Got in a big fight on the phone, she told me the #2 reason she left was she felt she was being used and takeing advantage of. Yes she made more money than me,yes when we first got married she had 2 jobs, but I took care of everything around the house , all she did when she got home was sit and watch tv, she never had to cook or clean or anything around the house, I waited on her hand and foot. But needless to say I feel like total crap now, it WAS my fault, I should of tried harder,she deserves everything.

 

[madmike2]

There's that sliding definition of "amicable" we warned you about. :angry:

NOW will you get a lawyer!?!?!?

If you were a "house-husband" you are still entitled just like a "house wife" would be.

 

[exskibum]

There's that sliding definition of "amicable" we warned you about. :angry:
NOW will you get a lawyer!?!?!?

[SIZE=14pt]Listen to brother Mike![/SIZE]

Once you've been through it, you realize that the woman you dated and married is MOST FREAKING DEFINITELY NOT the woman you're dealing with now! If you're the one going through it, you cannot see that or don't want to believe it (sometimes even if you've been through it before). Sad but true -- at least, often until it's too late. Hasn't she already contacted a lawyer? And what does that tell you? More than likely that as far as he (and she) are concerned, he's HER lawyer?!?

This is strictly a question of waking up -- the "WHEN", I mean. You will figure it out, but it's a question of how long after she's gotten the head start. In the meantime, she's going to try to manipulate you. Paraphrasing something someone said above: she didn't just decide to do this the day you found out about it. You're playing catch up, and so far, you're playing in a game in which she's set both the board and the rules. As long as you're playing it the way she (and her GF) want it to work, it'll be "amicable", but then you get those days when she gets pissed (sounds like you just got one). I'm hearing something like she wants/deserves MORE either in that fight or coming around the next corner like a big assed freight train.

And that crap about her wanting to make sure you remain friends? Mmmmhmmm. That's for AFTER she's gotten her way, but she's making remaining friends (and working your vulnerability on value of contributions) a part or her manipulation to get what she wants. Truth is that you can be friends afterwards by standing your ground, too -- but it sure doesn't need to be a bargaining chip in splitting the sheets; you are either going to treat one another with enough respect (and have) to remain friends, or you're not (or haven't). Period.

Get a lawyer, get some reliable advice, listen to what she or her lawyer offers, and make some decisions with your lawyer. And try not to get in pissing matches with her. It's hard to do, but try to walk away or tell her that you're not getting anywhere getting pissed at one another and you be the one to politely end the conversation. Tell her to make you an offer in writing and you'll get back to her on it, because you don't want to fight with her. That's the only way you "win" that kind of thing in this situation and avoid getting worked.**

You ARE going to feel like shit, BTW. There's no way out of that, and she isn't going to be any solace or comfort in that. She ain't your wife anymore, and she's the one dishing out the hurt. That disorients the crap out of all of us when we go through what you're going through.

**I had a tough first month or so with my ex, but asked her to make me written general offers of what she thought was a fair split of things. I read them, very simply told her they were rejected, and then she'd explode. I then calmly told her what I thought was unfair about each, made it short, and left. The third or fourth time around, she started with a friendlier tone and intro (trying to work me with guilt, tantrums, other BS wasn't working for her), and made a reasonable offer. I thanked her for the kind and appreciative statements she began with and told her that I thought her offer was acceptable, pending us working out the details. The drama disappeared almost overnight and we were both able to move on pretty quickly. We're still friends.

 

[bramfrank]

Got in a big fight on the phone, she told me the #2 reason she left was she felt she was being used and takeing advantage of. Yes she made more money than me,yes when we first got married she had 2 jobs, but I took care of everything around the house , all she did when she got home was sit and watch tv, she never had to cook or clean or anything around the house, I waited on her hand and foot. But needless to say I feel like total crap now, it WAS my fault, I should of tried harder,she deserves everything.

Reason number 2 doesn't count, because it was not why she left - it may have been contributory, but she wasn't leaving because of it. She tolerated the situation without complaint (or else you'd have had fights over the subject) until reason number 1 gave her the desire to get out.

Get the meanest woman lawyer you can and take lessons in how to portray yourself as a victim and learn to cry at the drop of a hint. After all, you gave her the best years of your life and your career potential has been completely compromised because you stayed out of the labor force in order to tend to her every whim (but mostly because to work would detract from soap opera watching time). You deserve a million dollars - even if she doesn't have a million dollars to give you.

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Hey, MY WIFE is asking for all that and more, plus I have sole custody of the kids and we DID fight all the time about her going to work.

And, how is this for nerve? She phoned me yesterday to tell me she was insulted that I didn't invite her to join my son and me when we went out for lunch after he got off the bus coming home from summer camp - this the day after I got a notice from her lawyer saying she was planning to file a contempt of court claim against me because SHE won't do the minor things she's supposed to do . . . .

Stick to it and if your jurisdiction allows it, remember to ask for your costs for your defense of her attack - if the judge will buy that, she gets to pay for your lawyer and she'll think several times before attacking you, because she has to pay for the defense of the claim - and you, of course can attack her freely, because she pays for that too.

 

[beemerdons]

sml-27: madmike2 and exskibum are giving you Pearls of Wisdom. LISTEN TO BROTHER MIKE! exskibum is perfectly laying out for you what is going to happen next and what she is (and her GF) going to do to you next. "Amicable" is bullshit!!

You're entitled to 1/2 of everything. Don't let her play your emotions into losing that. It's real damn hard, but to HELL with her "friendly" CRAP! I can't say it any better than these men have told you: You have to get a lawyer and get one fast!!!

Just saw the post from bramfrank and he also gave you great advice. If your jurisdiction allows it, stick her with all legal bills!

 

[docsulivan]

Got in a big fight on the phone, she told me the #2 reason she left was she felt she was being used and takeing advantage of. Yes she made more money than me,yes when we first got married she had 2 jobs, but I took care of everything around the house , all she did when she got home was sit and watch tv, she never had to cook or clean or anything around the house, I waited on her hand and foot. But needless to say I feel like total crap now, it WAS my fault, I should of tried harder,she deserves everything.

You've gotten good advice. As this is obviously an emotional and difficult time for you, I will repeat some of my suggestions:

1- Treat this as a business situation. As a women, she is an expert at emotional manipulation and will turn you 180 from your intended course until she achieves her objective+you being gone. "Best friends forever", pardon my opinion, is a load of bullshit, and a line.

2- Stop the self pity. Introspection is good and healthy, wallowing is not " But needless to say I feel like total crap now, it WAS my fault, I should of tried harder,she deserves everything.

". You keep on this bent and you will need a large tub of KY and a stack of rectal band aids for after any legal action. SHE left, situation is HER fault. You need to wrap your head around that.

3- Get your own lawyer. Any lawyer she retains WORK FOR >HER< NOT YOU.

4- You need to get out and ride, work out, clean the yard, build some model airplanes, ect. Find something to clear your mind.

5- Stay away from alcohol, it a depressant and will make you feel worse and do stupid things. Alcohol solves no problems. Remember alcohol is an accelerant for incendiary sitauations.

Keep the faith. Would suggest considering a less public forum for airing your hurts. PM if you want.

 

[Aasland]

I feel like total crap now, it WAS my fault, I should of tried harder,she deserves everything.

This is why you need a lawyer: Someone on your side (cuz you're paying them) who won't get caught up in her emotional manipulations.

 

[Scab]

GET A LAWYER!!!! Move, and move fast. And I'm not talking about your place of residence. I mean, get your ass in action!

 

[sml-27]

I'm meeting witha lawyer on monday, then I will be meeting with her lawyer on tuesday to see what she has to offer.

Everyone I see tells me to take alomony, she told me if I try that shit she would be a real bitch and take me down, im not sure what she can do to me because after all she left me.

I'm sure after meeting with a lawyer he will explain alot maybe that will open my eyes up.

One more thing that scares me, im going on a 3 day bike trip starting thursday morning with my dad,brother and three buddiies, she said she would come back to the house to watch the dogs, im afraid I will come back to a empty house. And I know her GF will be here with her. should I hide my computer?my car? my clothes? or cant she do anything yet?

thanks for the great advice

 

[bramfrank]

Your lawyer will answer all.

But beware. Lawyers are in the business of selling hours. Nothing else. They will seem to be your best friend, but the reality is that they are only in it to maximise your billing.

Be concise. Get concise answers and realise that what he says are only (aptly called) opinions. The law is very subjective, as is your situation.

Amicable? Perhaps by the woman's definition, but not by the dictionary.

If I could, I would thank her for her offer but tell her you are NOT going and then quietly change the locks and the alarm codes and take the trip, having someone else look after the dogs. After all, she abandoned you. She no longer lives there. If she removes things from your house (yours, because you live there and she doesn't) without your permission, it would be an open call to charge her with theft - and if you'd had the locks changed, it is breaking and entering.

A court order would be better, but it is Friday night.

If you can goad her into hitting you - or if she just ups and whallops you (or even touches your arm wthout your permission) that's assault - it ALWAYS looks good when presenting to a judge. Beware, however that it is best when filing such charges to be scratched and/or bruised, or better yet, to have a witness. And ALWAYS remember that if you touch HER, then she can charge YOU.

I went lenient when she took her claws and scratched my face, neck & arms - I SHOULD have filed charges, but emotion got the better of me to my eventual regret. You need leverage.

Stay tuned for the next episode of 'As the world turns'.

 

[Berde]

I have to say that there are no two cases alike, but usually a 6 year marriage has only tons of debts and no assets unless your wife's maidenname is Gates. With the present bubble burst of the housing market, probably not much equity or an upside down house if you are lucky. I certainly don't know the details of your case, but it could be that scott free with a car and a bike could be golden for you. Analyze your options first, because an attorney will set you at least a few thouthands dollars down and if you don't have much, that's a few years worth of gas for the Fejer. Sometimes, when a party trying to deal in good faith is pissed off by her counterpart bringing a draconian lawyer to his side, then is not going to be AMICABLE anymore and you will most likely get half the assets, but half the DEBTS TOO. WTF, you already put yourself in harms way, but you cannot say that you were not warned. Just my two cents, this advice is free but the next one will cost you $200 an hour, through PM and paypal, he, he!

Berde, Esq.

 

[Art FJR]

Yeah its probally dumb to post this on a motorcycle forum but my wife of 6 going on 7 in october years has decided shes had enough, She has gone to the other side I feel very sad and upset and really need to vent.
She tells me she will pay all debts off and I will walk away scott free with only a bike payment (wich is in hew name as of now) plus insurence for the car and bike.

My parents tell me to get what I can out of her and shes trying to pull a fast one on me becasue we have a house and im intitled to half of everything.

So should I play mr nice guy or get her were it counts?

Thanks guys for letting me vent.

Note my wife wasent very smart when she got direction on mapquest to the dykes house and now its saved on there.....lol, maybe I will post it here, but for now any good law advice would be great.

Thanks,

Scott

P.S. I live in pennsylvania if someone knows what the laws are here.

I have 2 cents also. Based on the statements of you wife, you could begin to develop a settlement agreement. Let me put it this way, YOU could begin to develop a settlement agreement. You don't need lawyers unless you want to get into that expense. They take credit cards you know.

I live in VA and I think we are a "no fault" state. I think this means that you can get a divorce and not have to pin it on anyone. If fact, it is almost impossible to "pin it on the other person". That costs money too. If you want to go to war, remember you are the man. The courts have seen everything before and you don't have a new story. Apparently, you don't have kids.

Draw up a settlement agreement, bring it to a lawyer and he puts your ideas into a boiler plate Word document, print two copies and give her one. She takes it to her lawyer and gets some advice, and you pass the document back and forth a time or two, and it is done. I think I spent about $750 and she spent around $1500 because she was a blonde. Remember I created the document that we agreed on. It might have taken a week or so to get it all done and we have a kid.

The property settlement agreements that you make are a done deal. Alimony and child support numbers can change as other things change. And as best I can tell, alimony isn't an issue nor is child support. Figure it out, write it down, get YOUR lawyer to write it up, and get her to sign it.

I didn't even have to go to court.

And now I have 2 motorcycles in the garage, only one being an FJR.

Welcome to America. Divorce is way too easy. Fight if you want, or attempt to really screw her if you want, but this results in big lawyer bills. Make an agreement to divide your assets, produce a legal document with the help of a lawyer to that effect, and you are done.

PM me if you want.

Art