Scab
I got nothin' here...
I would video the shit out of everything prior to leaving and leave the video at someone else's house.
Oh, when you get back...change your sheets. Evil is as evil does.
Any good divorce lawyer out there
- Thread starter sml-27
- Start date
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Oh, when you get back...change your sheets. Evil is as evil does.
Don't be confused. Don't be manipulated.
The definition of amicable (from her and her lawyer's perspective) is: i get everything my way and you get nothing.
She hired a lawyer and their job is to assure the above happens. Listening to that lawyer as if (s)he was your counsel is the biggest mistake you can make. Their job is to convince you they have your interests at heart when the only obligation they have is to their client (your ex).
If you continue to denigrate your roll in the relationship, spend time moaning about how you have no options, and throwing yourself at her feet while begging for mercy, you'll get nothing.
The cost of living in Jersey compared to where you are will be shocking. Forcing you to move there to be close to your daughter will be a lifelong hardship. All of these are legal issues for your side of the case that YOUR counsel can FIGHT for.
But only if you quit beating yourself up and regurgitating the junk she's been feeding you. Fight for your daughter or lose her. Fight for the financial ability to provide for her like she needs. Fight for custody. Fight to keep her in your current state. Fight for the monetary resources from your wife to accomplish both of those. She is choosing to leave and that burden should be shouldered by her.
The definition of amicable (from her and her lawyer's perspective) is: i get everything my way and you get nothing.
She hired a lawyer and their job is to assure the above happens. Listening to that lawyer as if (s)he was your counsel is the biggest mistake you can make. Their job is to convince you they have your interests at heart when the only obligation they have is to their client (your ex).
If you continue to denigrate your roll in the relationship, spend time moaning about how you have no options, and throwing yourself at her feet while begging for mercy, you'll get nothing.
The cost of living in Jersey compared to where you are will be shocking. Forcing you to move there to be close to your daughter will be a lifelong hardship. All of these are legal issues for your side of the case that YOUR counsel can FIGHT for.
But only if you quit beating yourself up and regurgitating the junk she's been feeding you. Fight for your daughter or lose her. Fight for the financial ability to provide for her like she needs. Fight for custody. Fight to keep her in your current state. Fight for the monetary resources from your wife to accomplish both of those. She is choosing to leave and that burden should be shouldered by her.
exskibum
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YEP!
Well, ALMOST, Bounce. Recall that the new man in her life is a woman. There's bound to be a strap-on somewhere in this story.
:feminist_en:
So, while I mostly agree with your advice and conclusion here, I'd suggest that the possibility that he'll get SOMETHING is alive and well. It's just that it'll probably be up his ass.
hno-smiley02: :moil: Butt . . . there's NO WAY I'd ever let her stay in the house with all your stuff over the weekend (esp with her GF). It's gonna be one BIG "bash-the-useless-ex and lets go through every document, computer file, etc." kinda weekend.
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docsulivan
Active member
If you are being offered alimony, then definitely take it! If she has talked to her lawyer and is offering it to you, you can be damned sure it is well within your legal rights, and I would bet they are low balling you. When you talk to the lawyers, DO NOT FORGET to discuss things like health care and any 401K/retirement plans. It is not uncommon for the lesser earning spouse to get some health coverage in the settlements.
Plan it out before you get to the lawyer what you want, what you need, what you are willing to compromise on and what is set in stone.
As for the stuff in the house, video taping it a good idea, as is moving stuff that is really important to out out of the house for that time. Remember, you can always buy a new tv, or sofa. That stuff is disposable, I wouldn't fight for it, or waste lawyer time and $$$ arguing. Consider telling her to get the things she wants out of the house if she is shacked up with her girlfriend. I would watch out for changing locks, especially if her name is on the deed. Could work against you.
Plan it out before you get to the lawyer what you want, what you need, what you are willing to compromise on and what is set in stone.
As for the stuff in the house, video taping it a good idea, as is moving stuff that is really important to out out of the house for that time. Remember, you can always buy a new tv, or sofa. That stuff is disposable, I wouldn't fight for it, or waste lawyer time and $$$ arguing. Consider telling her to get the things she wants out of the house if she is shacked up with her girlfriend. I would watch out for changing locks, especially if her name is on the deed. Could work against you.
sml-27
Active member
I'm at work today and I get a text message "Can I come over tomarrow" WTF its her house to I wright back "Sure what time" she responds "I will calll you later tonight"
What is the DEVIL thinking right now? Why is she asking to come over? whats up her sleeve?
What is the DEVIL thinking right now? Why is she asking to come over? whats up her sleeve?
beemerdons
Certifiable Old Fart
sml-27: I spent 1968-74 in the US Army; two years were overseas. Need any help rigging an M18 Claymore, just PM me. D
exskibum
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[SIZE=14pt]The strap-on? [/SIZE]
You may want to stop on the way home and pick up some KY or Vaseline.
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gregorytx
Well-known member
It's not worth the money spent to fight over nothing. You got a house with no equity, a car, a motorcyle, two credit cards, and her student loans. If she agrees to take one card and her student loans, she keeps the car, u keep the bike, and MOVE ON. Let her have the house, today's market sucks. It's a BUYER'S market. You can buy a better one for less than what's owed on the one in dispute. Use the money to MOVE ON instead of giving it to a lawyer. Reach down, grab your nuts, and MOVE ON.
exskibum
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AMEN to that!
That may be, and that's certainly what he has to decide if THAT is the sum of the deal that actually gets put on the table.
An awfully broad statement. I agree IF you limit it to giving money to a lawyer to get into a pissing match over meaningless shit, shooting for the moon (probably including an attempt to collect alimony) or trying to get a pound of flesh in retribution for being dumped or perceived past wrongs. Getting into litigation (including the cost of paying for it) ought to be the very last resort. Having said that, here's where it appears that you maybe throw the baby out with the bathwater, though:
To me, the best spent money is to see an attorney at the outset to pay for an hour or two of his/her time for a frank discussion of exactly what the law is in your situation, how the facts appear to stack up against that law, and what kind of negotiated splits would be within the range of reason to divorce lawyers (and judges) considering the case from both sides. That's well spent money, and is usually a hedge against emotional and unreasonable positions of the parties blowing things up into a war that puts attorneys' kids through college. I much prefer to enter a negotiation knowing what the rules are, what my weaknesses and strengths are on the facts and law, what the other side's are, and having considered what I want, what she wants, and what compromises might be made. None of that precludes me from making a decision to compromise to avoid litigation, since I know exactly what I'm compromising to avoid the greater evil of expensive litigation. The alternative is usually going in blind and being subject to bluffs, intimidation and manipulation.
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Niehart
Pie Smuggler
Well said, Mr. Bum. Knowledge before hand is a very good thing!
madmike2
Shtirrenuppenmeister
Yep! If it were me, I'd either cancel the trip or kennel the dog (or perhaps take the dog to HER place). There's no way I'd give her access to my residence. AND notify the police of your trip and the situation, then set up video surveillance to record anyone who enters while you are absent.
someone else with her serving eviction paperwork probably. do NOT see her without witnesses (that are sympathetic to your cause) present. make it formal. you're about to be on your a$$ living in a cardboard box if you play submissive.
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sml-27
Active member
The old guy across the street knows the whole story, I told him if you see any shananagins while im gone to call the police, afterall its still her house to, I cant lock her out.
One guy gave me this suggestion, get the house appraised for how much it went up in value to split that number in half and then just walk away, so I bought the house for 90,000 if its worth 100,000 it means it went up 10,000 dollars then I get 5,000 from her and walk away. Thats if the house went up that much, like you have said its a bad market to sell in.
One guy gave me this suggestion, get the house appraised for how much it went up in value to split that number in half and then just walk away, so I bought the house for 90,000 if its worth 100,000 it means it went up 10,000 dollars then I get 5,000 from her and walk away. Thats if the house went up that much, like you have said its a bad market to sell in.
bramfrank
BramFrank
Have you been reading ANYTHING we've been writing?
1. Your house has probably NOT appreciated. If it has, then great. But the more likely scenario is that it is where it was - I don't know - an appraiser will tell you. But YOU own half the house. It is community property, even in states that don't have community property laws. And SHE LEFT. SHE NO LONGER LIVES THERE. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO OWNS IT. YOU LIVE THERE, SHE DOES NOT.
Do you think a landlord can wander in to a rental unit and start messing with the tenant's stuff? Obviously not. This is no different. Actually it is very different. You have been abandoned. The first law of divorce is to NOT MOVE OUT UNTIL THE DEAL IS DONE - she broke that one.
SPEAK TO THE LAWYER AND DO NOT TALK TO HER UNTIL YOU DO. YOU ARE STICKING YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH EVERY TIME YOU OPEN IT.
1. Your house has probably NOT appreciated. If it has, then great. But the more likely scenario is that it is where it was - I don't know - an appraiser will tell you. But YOU own half the house. It is community property, even in states that don't have community property laws. And SHE LEFT. SHE NO LONGER LIVES THERE. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO OWNS IT. YOU LIVE THERE, SHE DOES NOT.
Do you think a landlord can wander in to a rental unit and start messing with the tenant's stuff? Obviously not. This is no different. Actually it is very different. You have been abandoned. The first law of divorce is to NOT MOVE OUT UNTIL THE DEAL IS DONE - she broke that one.
SPEAK TO THE LAWYER AND DO NOT TALK TO HER UNTIL YOU DO. YOU ARE STICKING YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH EVERY TIME YOU OPEN IT.
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rogdeb
Scouser
Well damn !!
After being there, done that, twice - I was going to jump in here with my coupla cents worth. Forget it !! Some great advice here already, especially from our resident lawyers.
It will get a lot better Sir -- just give it time. Took me two tries to get where I am now - with the Lovely Debs. Was worth every expensive court room visit. It gets better,,,, really.
After being there, done that, twice - I was going to jump in here with my coupla cents worth. Forget it !! Some great advice here already, especially from our resident lawyers.
It will get a lot better Sir -- just give it time. Took me two tries to get where I am now - with the Lovely Debs. Was worth every expensive court room visit. It gets better,,,, really.
03HiYoSilver
Well-known member
Sml,
About your remarks "One guy gave me this suggestion, get the house appraised for how much it went up in value to split that number in half and then just walk away, so I bought the house for 90,000 if its worth 100,000 it means it went up 10,000 dollars then I get 5,000 from her and walk away."
You did not figure about 8-10% of the Selling Price for costs & fees and that is with No Seller Paid Down Payment assistance(FHA 100% program for buyers) which is majority of financing moving homes today and will Expire by Congress in October/2008. So with this in mind, there is NO money for you if you sell given your current scenario.
All the Best!
About your remarks "One guy gave me this suggestion, get the house appraised for how much it went up in value to split that number in half and then just walk away, so I bought the house for 90,000 if its worth 100,000 it means it went up 10,000 dollars then I get 5,000 from her and walk away."
You did not figure about 8-10% of the Selling Price for costs & fees and that is with No Seller Paid Down Payment assistance(FHA 100% program for buyers) which is majority of financing moving homes today and will Expire by Congress in October/2008. So with this in mind, there is NO money for you if you sell given your current scenario.
All the Best!
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madmike2
Shtirrenuppenmeister
ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY!!!
You are still thinking MORALLY and not LEGALLY. Listen to what we who have experience are trying to tell you.
Do not make a move, allow freedom or access, converse/speak/meet until you have spoken to YOUR lawyer.
Every decision you make must be based on laws and the technicalities therein. You are thinking and reacting emotionally and morally and you are about to bury yourself. Cease all contact or visitation until you are under your lawyer's instructions and advice. Don't "make nice", she isn't! She is putting rosin on the bow and is about to fiddle a tune, expecting you to dance........
Mine wanted the house and the car...well good and fine. Then she turned the car in, lived in the house for a year without making a house payment until they foreclosed (I had a 3 day notice to get the rest of my personal belongings out), ran up the credit cards and filed bankruptcy which transferred all debt to me. So I lost the equity in the house and was forced into bankruptcy myself. There is no need to dredge up the rest of the horror story except to tell you "SHUT UP and LISTEN UP!"
It seems that you are playing "The Victim" or "Mr. Nice Guy" while she has you in the sights of whatever legal weapons she can cache in her armory.
I'm done talking to you as you have decided to figure it out for yourself rather than doing what we are telling you. When the reality of the scenario knocks you down and you are figuratively raped and emotionally stomped, there will be no joy in telling you, "We told you so!"
sml-27
Active member
madmike, point taken, I'm talking to a lawyer monday.
FJRandy
Well-known member
I just retained a lawyer myself on friday, at my wife's expense. Cost $1500 which SHE had to pay, and we're going for mediation instead of a full blown fight. Most things are already agreed upon, except for exactly how much alimony I'll be getting and how much from the sale of the house. As it stands now, we owe just about as much as the house is worth.
sml, take their advice. GET A LAWYER!!! Try to get a mediator and you'll both be paying much less to get what you want.
My advice?? You won't get much alimony being an able bodied worker....trust me on that one. Especially since you weren't the caregiver of any children between the two of you. I am, therefore I'm entitled to much more. For once in my life, it's paying off being the "wife" in the relationship. The judge will question why you're looking for alimony when you're perfectly capable of securing a job. Hardest part for me now is getting up the $$ to move out to PA to be near my daughter once the house is sold. Unless about 20 G's falls from the sky, I'm stuck here. I was hoping for that amount from the house sale. Yeah right. What's 100% of nothing? By the time the bills/mortgage/equity loan are paid, there will be nothing left.
sml, take their advice. GET A LAWYER!!! Try to get a mediator and you'll both be paying much less to get what you want.
My advice?? You won't get much alimony being an able bodied worker....trust me on that one. Especially since you weren't the caregiver of any children between the two of you. I am, therefore I'm entitled to much more. For once in my life, it's paying off being the "wife" in the relationship. The judge will question why you're looking for alimony when you're perfectly capable of securing a job. Hardest part for me now is getting up the $$ to move out to PA to be near my daughter once the house is sold. Unless about 20 G's falls from the sky, I'm stuck here. I was hoping for that amount from the house sale. Yeah right. What's 100% of nothing? By the time the bills/mortgage/equity loan are paid, there will be nothing left.
exskibum
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One thing needs amplifying here. If you decide to make the bonehead move of letting her stay in your residence while you go on the ride, then damn sure take precautions to keep things from disappearing or being pried into.
Ask your lawyer about bank accounts, retirement accounts and statements from them, about credit cards, assets like cars, etc. and tell him/her you're leaving for the weekend with the ex and her GF staying in the house while you're gone. Follow your lawyer's advice on how best to protect yourself from getting hosed in those few days.
Inventory and photograph everything there before you go. If the computer is your personal computer, then it goes to your brother's. Make absolutely certain that IF she can access your computer, you minimize the chances of her getting onto sites like this where you have posted about your relationship, finances or anything about the divorce. You don't want her even knowing what sites you go to. Erase the bookmark, history, passwords, etc. if she's going to have access to your computer. Even more important is anything you have in the way of notes or correspondence or any other stuff from your consultation with your lawyer, and any notes you may have at all about the divorce or settlement discussions. Keep it at your brother's house. If it's valuable and yours, do the same with that. If it's your personal asset or has your personal information on or in it, with any conceivable use to her -- at your brother's.
This is NOT the woman you dated or married!!! This IS someone looking out only for herself and her GF right now. And her GF hates your F*&%ing guts! Guaranteed! They're probably going to play house for the weekend and decide how they want to set it up as their nest once the male vermin is evicted. You're going to be even more welcome in GF's eyes (kinda like a giant roof rat with the plague) after their weekend in the house that you're keeping them out of with your selfishness.
You know not to get between a bear cub and the sow, don't you? Well, just figure that you're between two protective sows eager to cut your balls off and ask questions later, and in their eyes you're squatting in their den.
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