Speeding Tickets, your best excuses that have worked

[rocketdoc]

OK ladies and gentlemen, I think it would be entertaining and enlightening to hear from one and all what works when it comes to excuses for speeding, or statements that actually worked to get you off or away with only a warning.

Let 'er rip.

 

[charismaticmegafauna]

One of the better ones I've heard was told to me by the perp (one, Ed Kmek). As the story goes, he was late for a party and was on a 4-lane U.S. hiway around a small mid-western city when a State Trooper observed him. As he was late and in a hurry, Ed had his K-75S wound-up. When the trooper got him in the patrol car he (allegedly) asked, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Ed answered, "About a hundred..?" Reportedly, the Trooper was so taken aback by Ed's honesty he let him go with a stern warning.

 

[Ignacio]

Lose your wallet the day before you go do the Utah 1088. Be fortunate that the rally master lets you still ride, and instead of a license you hand draw out a facsimile of a license including a stick figure. Have said rally master seal the license, registration, and proof of insurance inside of an envelope and have him sign it. If you return with the envelope unmolested you get a bunch of bonus points.

Then get pulled over for riding slightly too assertively near a Utah small town. Politely explain that you lost your license the day before and beg for him to not to have to open the envelope.

After the second time he asks grudgingly unseal the envelope and hand him the hand drawn license. Listen the police officer laugh and crack a smile, go to his car, and then return to you a few minutes later making sure you're not wanted, and let you off with a warning.

Proceed then to not win the rally, but no ticket.

For added effect, have competitor snap a Polaroid of said police officer (who seemed much scarier when he had me pulled over) and get bonus points himself.

 

[OrangevaleFJR]

I was passing on a two lane highway and the cop clocked me over the limit. I told him that the person in front of me had been going 10 under for miles and that when I went to pass he sped up. I checked to get back behind him but the line of cars had already taken my spot. Rather than hoping someone would make room for me I floored it to get around the other driver, then was clocked for speeding. The cop said he had someone do that to him once and just asked me to be careful when passing. It might not be the best you ever heard, but it worked ;-)

 

[Fencer]

Iggy - Too Funny

Tell the truth - I am speeding because as you can see my window was busted out (cage) and some one stole my stuff. I am trying to get to the repair shop before they close.

 

[keithaba]

Crap your pants as he pulls you over... Then when the officer comes up, hold your stomach and moan a lot. Tell him one of your friends screwed you over and put visine in your soda. Tell him you were trying to get to a gas station or anywhere with a bathroom, but it's too late now....

If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

 

[twowheelnut]

I've gotten two speeding tickets; one at age 17 and one just a few months ago. In neither case did the ticketing officer find it within himself to let me off the hook when I tried to skootch my shirt over my shoulder and bat my baby blues...

 

[Fencer]

I've gotten two speeding tickets; one at age 17 and one just a few months ago. In neither case did the ticketing officer find it within himself to let me off the hook when I tried to skootch my shirt over my shoulder and bat my baby blues...

I did get out of one with a female cop when I was a Teen, musta been my good looks as Hoover cops at that time HORRIBLE on teenagers at that time. Oh an IIRC it was 2 am. Running a redlight. I just told her that ticket wouldn't mean crap compared to the beating I was in for when I got home. I was 16 and had a midnight curfew. (Commin home from the girl friends- yeah it was worth it )

 

[Bearly Flying]

1985....Headed out on a Holiday on my FJ 11, brand new and anxious to try it out. Blew through a radar trap set up under an overpass at about 85 mph. About a 1/3 mile ahead on a pullout several LEO's were picking off the culprits.

As I approached the Catch Cars, one LEO made a point of walking towards me and flagged me in about 50 yards before the other Catch Cars.

It turns out He had a GPZ 900 Kawi and wanted an up close look at the FJ 11. We talked about bikes for several minutes, and with a stern warning to slow down, let me off. And actually I did slow down, probably more effective than if He had given me a ticket.

 

[FJRottie]

Well, no good excuses, but the other day I got pulled over for speeding in Kandahar (inside the wire).

Silly US Airforce MPs.

 

[KSFJR]

This may be a cop joke but I used to work with a guy years ago who was a part time cop. He said that he stopped a women for speeding one time and asked her "Where the fire was." She said "Between my legs. Do you have enough hose to put it out?" He said that he was dumbfounded and let her go.

 

[Hotboot]

I use reasoning and reality:

Officer, I just had an arguement with my wife and had to get out for a bit, guess I was speeding my anger and frustration away.....

Any gender cop with wives or s/o's can understand and relate. Have a respectful attitude with proper insurance documentation and see what happens.

 

[Bounce]

Sorry officer. it's a new bike (2003 FJR and it was only October of 2002). I've been riding Gold Wings for years and didn't realize how fast this thing was going. It felt like the Wing did when going 65 or 70. he looked at the insurance. Made a comment about how new it really was. Asked me to be careful and sent me on my way.

The best I've ever heard was when my step-brother was hauling a body from Tulsa to OKC (he worked for a mortuary). He got pulled over in the hearse while going about 25 over. As soon as he got pulled onto the shoulder and parked, he jumped out of the hearse, pulled his handkerchief from his suit coat breast pocket, placed it over his mouth and nose, and, while waving the local officer away, started yelling "stand back! plague! plague!". The leo's eyes went saucer-sized, he started backing away, waved my step-brother on while yelling for him to go on.

 

[Longrifle]

I got lucky just two weeks ago while making a mad dash to grandma's house to drop of some insurance papers and chocolate chip cookie's, fresh from the oven.....thank you little wife!

The LAPD motorcop was chasing me for awhile I guess, dunno....he looked pissed, until I told him I just got a new bike and gave him a cookie! What a ****, but it worked and he was cool about it and I told him it was OK if he wanted to yell at me or something, I'd get over it and slow down for a day!!!!!

So, the moral of the story is: always carry a fresh supply of bakery goods...donuts will just piss them off....think cookies!

 

[Scab]

Cop pulled me over running in the triple digits. He approached the car pretty steamed and said: "Look, it's time for my shift change. If you can give me a reason for driving this fast that I have never heard, I will let you go."

Well, I said, my wife left me two weeks ago for a police officer. I thought it might be you and you were trying to bring her back.

The officer's reply: "Have a nice day."

 

[GalaxyBlue]

Cop pulled me over running in the triple digits. He approached the car pretty steamed and said: "Look, it's time for my shift change. If you can give me a reason for driving this fast that I have never heard, I will let you go."Well, I said, my wife left me two weeks ago for a police officer. I thought it might be you and you were trying to bring her back.

The officer's reply: "Have a nice day."

:good: :lol2:

 

[rocketdoc]

Left the office one night to do a house call (Veterinary), I was not paying any attention to speed, but the Leo tucked into the side of the road was. He lit up, and I slowed until I was sure it was me he wanted. Pulled over, then

pulled off my helmet to reveal my shiney bald head as he approached.

Told him I was on my way to a house call, for a great dane that had hemorragic diarrheoa. He looked as if he had visualized the scene clearly and let me go. Told me to watch my speed, I said thanks.

 

[OrangevaleFJR]

Cop pulled me over running in the triple digits. He approached the car pretty steamed and said: "Look, it's time for my shift change. If you can give me a reason for driving this fast that I have never heard, I will let you go."Well, I said, my wife left me two weeks ago for a police officer. I thought it might be you and you were trying to bring her back.

The officer's reply: "Have a nice day."

:lol:

 

[MikeYork5]

This one will only work with a situation where you get nailed by radar -

Cop: What's ur hurry?

Me: I have an emergency that I need to get to the hospital to attend too -

Cop: You a doctor?

Me: No, I'm an ******* stretcher

Cop: A what?

Me: An ******* stretcher

Cop: How do you stretch an *******?

Me: Well first ya have the person bend over and you start by inserting a finger into their *******, then two fingers, then three and so on until you can get your whole hand inserted. Then you slowly work your way up to the elbow and keep pulling and stretching until their ******* is 6 feet wide

Cop: What then do you do with a 6 foot *******?

Me: You give him a radar gun and put him in a cop car -

NOTE: This ONLY works if the officer has an exceptional sense of humor (it didn't work for me - but it might for you)

I figured since the cookie story above seemed to be a variation of 'Little Red Riding Hood' might as well give you my attempt at humor.