Two cannibals...

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Cannibals don't eat women who are divorced.

They're bitter.

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Guy walks into a bar and sees a woman sitting at the bar with a duck. "Nice pig," says the guy. "That's not a pig, it's a duck," says the woman. "I was talking to the duck", says the guy.

 
Pirate walks into a bar, steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender says "What's with the steering wheel?"

"Arrrrrrrrrr, it's drivin' me nuts"

 
A duck walks into a drug store, and asks the clerk "do you have any ChapStik©?"

The clerk answers "yes we do".

The duck replies, "just put it on my bill".

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"While playing golf the other day I hit two good balls.... I stepped on a rake."

Henny Youngman

 
Did you hear about the guy that invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

-or-

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.’

 
Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck.

Bartender says: We don't want no trouble, so don't you go start nothing.

 
what do you get when you combine an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an atheist?

....

Someone that lays awake all night long wondering, is there really a Dog?

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