A Note from Tyler

[Old Michael]

Always zip up before straddling your beast!!

See, now, I'd always been doing just the opposite.

(I know. Probably explains a lot.)

 

[Tyler]

Inspiration. There were some who weren't able to get past that nasty word "darkness" from my last journal post. But there were others who shared experiences and words with me that brought tears to my eyes and hope to my heart. Darkness is a part of life and without it, we truly cannot experience the light. It's okay to entertain darkness... invite it in for a drink, exchange a few thoughts, discuss some things, and then usher it to the door and say good night. It's when we let darkness stay and become a constant companion where the problems lie. I find myself, in those dark moments experiencing them but not accepting them for long term. I don't belittle myself for feeling those moments... I just embrace them and then set them free.

A dear theatre friend, whom I recently got back in touch with, shared these words with me after she read the last journal entry and I thought them to be so true for all of us:

"I also want to share a thought that occurred to me as I was reading about your efforts to rediscover yourself, particularly as a choreographer. It came to me that we all face similar challenges of rediscovering ourselves at different times in our lives: as we grow older, lose abilities, lose or change jobs, retire and find ourselves needing new purposes to get us out of bed each morning...the list goes on and on. We mourn the loss of one piece of ourselves to which we have attached some important flag of identity, and then open our eyes to new possibilities, new incarnations. That's what is so exciting about LIFE; we are forever evolving and discovering new paths."

And another dear friend, Ara, who travels the world with his canine companion, Spirit, enlightened me with the realization that we all have scars... some more physically evident than the internal ones but we should love and be proud of those scars because they are the marks of survival and they make us who we are.

And these words from a motorcycling friend who has had his share of physical challenges and understands the loneliness:

"One of the toughest parts of recovering from a accident is...........being alone. We have so much on our minds when in hospital and plenty of friends and family checking up on us as we mend we get use to life that way. But one day that fades away. Friends have gotten busy with life again, and we are no longer quite so special. Suddenly you have to deal with yourself and the life you will now lead. Don't worry, you will find a path. One of the best things about living in these times is the world is literally at your finger tips, followed closely by your doorway. Go explore it! It's waiting for you."

In sharing my own inner turmoil, come words and thoughts that enlighten and inspire. Don't be afraid to reach out... don't fear your darkness because fear lets it win. Accept the bad but then let it go and focus on the good... we all have that gift in life and the ability to change ourselves, adapt, overcome and grow.

With much love,

Tyler

 

[Niehart]

Tyler, you are just too damn cool. Wish I could put my thoughts in words as you do. I thinks it's good for the soul.

 

[beemerdons]

Tyler, you are just too damn cool. Wish I could put my thoughts in words as you do. I thinks it's good for the soul.

I fully agree with my older Uncle Dave, you are the coolest Tyler!

 

[JDFlys]

+1 on the coolness.

Obviously none of us would wish your circumstance on anyone, but your words and thoughts that you have expressed and shared with us throughout your recovery are certainly inspiring. Hopefully we can learn from you, embrace life, and live as richly as you have learned to without having to endure what you have.

Happy riding...

 

[Patriot]

yep, again, great prose :yahoo:

<damn...can't fight it...I'm falling madly in love >

 

[rogdeb]

Tyler, you are just too damn cool. Wish I could put my thoughts in words as you do. I thinks it's good for the soul.

I fully agree with my older Uncle Dave, you are the coolest Tyler!

I agree with both my brothers Tyler :clapping:

 

[fjrboomer]

Tyler I have not been on the forum much due to the wife's health situation. So catching up on this thread has been a real upper for me. You have been a real inspiration to me ever since you made the big fight to get back to your normal life (whatever that is). I sold my FJR to another member on here early this month. My reason is different from yours but has the same impact emotionally in not being able to ride in the foreseeable future. I have neither the time nor could I take the risk of having an accident on the bike and having my kids who have families trying to take care of both of us.

The wife is making her fight against cancer for the second time and I have become her caretaker. She is like you in some respects as she has constant pain but like you she will give it all she has to return to as near as normal as she can. Hearing what you have accomplished has made this so much easier for me than it might have been. Thanks for being such an inspiration at a time when I and others needed it. Remember that your scars will continue to fade and the pain and concerns for further injury will fade with it. You are beautiful both inside and out to all of us. Any man would be extemely fortunate to have you as his soul mate. So just keep healing and showing the rest of us just how it is done. Bless you.

 

[Tyler]

Tyler I have not been on the forum much due to the wife's health situation. So catching up on this thread has been a real upper for me. You have been a real inspiration to me ever since you made the big fight to get back to your normal life (whatever that is). I sold my FJR to another member on here early this month. My reason is different from yours but has the same impact emotionally in not being able to ride in the foreseeable future. I have neither the time nor could I take the risk of having an accident on the bike and having my kids who have families trying to take care of both of us.
The wife is making her fight against cancer for the second time and I have become her caretaker. She is like you in some respects as she has constant pain but like you she will give it all she has to return to as near as normal as she can. Hearing what you have accomplished has made this so much easier for me than it might have been. Thanks for being such an inspiration at a time when I and others needed it. Remember that your scars will continue to fade and the pain and concerns for further injury will fade with it. You are beautiful both inside and out to all of us. Any man would be extemeley fortunate to have you as his soul mate. So just keep healing and showing the rest of us just how it is done. Bless you.

Blessings to you and your wife right back... I admire your strength in knowing what has to be done (selling the bike) and doing it for the sake of your family. There will always be another bike but the moments with your wife are precious. I send you both loving and healing thoughts and strength as you travel along your path. All we really have is each other.

 

[FJReady]

Tyler,

I know from following the Tyler forum threads and the Caring Bridge journal that you are blessed. You are surrounded by people that love you. Certainly from the folks here and no doubt countless other communities you touch. You know why that is? Cuz you're AWESOME. Thats why.

Russ

 

[Tyler]

Purpose. The other night, my beloved daughter and I were home watching a movie, "Bruce Almighty." Toward the end, Jim Carrey's character gets hit by a truck and he goes up to "heaven" to talk with God (wonderfully portrayed by Morgan Freeman). In their conversation, "Bruce" realizes his true purpose and is sent back down to earth. As I was watching, I started to cry. Shannon, never really knowing what is gonna set Mom off or when, looked at me quizzically and said, "Mom, what is it?" And I blurted out... "I didn't get to talk to God!" Sounds kinda funny now but at the time I was kind of pissed that I didn't get that input from a Morgan-Freeman-lookalike-God (dang Hollywood movies!).

So as I was chatting with a dear Aussie friend of mine this week, he asked how I was doing. And I said, doing well but trying to figure out what my purpose is with all of this and told him of my experience with the movie. He gently and lovingly said to me, "You don't get it, do you? God has been talking to you every step of the way." (and the next day another beloved friend said the same exact thing to me... start Twilight Zone music here! lol) I thought of the turn of events that took place while I was in the hospital, somewhat unaware of a lot of what was going on at the time... the spirit and love and community from so many people, near and far, known and not known (yet), reaching out to me to help heal me and, in turn, reaching out to one another as well.

And it reminded me of the smile that I got in my heart when I saw first hand the deeper connections that were being made not just with me but all around me. And then it hit me... well, Miss Thang, maybe this isn't about YOU (what?!? I thought it was all about ME!! lol). Maybe this is about everyone else... maybe because of my experience, it has allowed spirit and connection and deeper love for many, many people... the words that I type that sometimes I have no idea where they come from or what they're going to say touch people and make them see things differently as I have along my journey... by sharing my experiences, it opens the doors and windows of life to others, to see things in a different way, to grow and flourish themselves. And I realized that the truth is God has indeed been talking to me through each and every one of you and I have been given the gift of sticking around to give that back.

Some have shared with me but I'm sure there are many who have perhaps not spoken up... and those who have taken their learnings and passed them on to their loved ones... and so it grows like ripples in the water after you drop in a stone... they continue to roll out farther and farther, getting bigger and bigger, reaching more and more as that energy and spirit flows outward. I hope that doesn't sound egotistical, like I'm some sort of Mother Teresa cause believe me I am no saint - I guess I'm just the stone that got dropped!! And I sure as hell wish this type of miracle could've been made with just a broken ankle... but I guess near death makes a much bigger impression on everyone involved.

So the next time you think God (or Budda or Allah or Spirit or the Great Pumpkin... whatever you want to call it) isn't there for you, try looking a little closer... at the love of your family, the words of your friends, the laughter of your children.. and maybe you'll be able to hear it right there.



With much love,

Tyler

 

[Beamer Reamer]

A couple of things Tyler. Just so you will know.

1) I work with sales folks and I always tell them I can tell when things are happening because of the ripple affect. If they're doing their thing, ripples happen that get noticed. I find myself talking about ripples quite often so your most recent post caught me just so.

2) I have followed the posts around your accident: your time in recovery, love shown to and from your family and friends, your musings after, etc. While it is such a little thing in the big scheme, I wanted you to know that a ripple made it to my corner in the Northwest. I can't remember all the timing to the minute, but very early in your ordeal someone posted that a contributing factor to your injuries was the lack of zipping the jacket to the britches. I will confess that prior to that moment, I had never considered doing the zipping, in fact the thought never crossed my mind. Worse, I had never counseled my wife and pillion to do the zipping thing. I had her read some of the early messaging and I can tell you for a fact that your misfortune is resulting in positive changes. Colleen is now a stickler on this matter, is all over me to do the same ( I mostly do now, a big improvement) and as the opportunity arises - we spread the word.

All that to say that while I wish for the world you were not the stone that got dropped this time around, it was your stone's ripple that got to me and so many others. I hope to meet you soon, perhaps at Barb's big shindig in September.

I have a hug for you,

David

 

[fjrboomer]

Gee Tyler I am surprised that you had not already realized your importance and impact on so many lives. As I have told you before you were certainly an inspiration for me in dealing with my wife's cancer. I knew if you could come through your tragedy with such a spirit and positive outlook that we could do so as well.

I think you may have a new calling. I think you should consider a writing because you have such a gift with words. Each time you post another comment on this thread I feel moved by your words. You could also be an inspirational motivator for people who have suffered their own tragedies. I believe God has touched you and through you many of us. God bless you.

 

[Patriot]

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler

you are in a new phase

you know, when there is trauma

humans go through the stages of grief

7 Stages of Grief... loss can be of health, mobility, a loved one, security, etc

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...interesting I guess that your experience isn't with losing someone else, but the near loss of your own life...and a pretty close call

plus, it wasn't some germ or God's hand, or another human who was gonna do you in...it ends up to be a few seconds of mistaken choice and you that almost did you in. The lasting effects of your accident linger.

You are now in the reflection or end stage of contumplation...I can see you going back and reading posts here, PASHNET, Caringbridge trying to grasp at good that was created in your situation and experience. I believe you find a lot of that there.

But daily, you have to forgive yourself, let yourself off the hook, and let go of the tendency to destructively/negatively weigh the good verses the bad, the light verses the darkness, and let it be what it is.

You are in the acceptance and hope stage, the final stage, and that is a good thing. Please don't misunderstand, your feelings are your feelings...you have a right to your feelings that come. Nobody can deny your feelings, and I don't believe you do either. But what you do with them is important. It's a choice...and unfortunately it's a daily and sometime hourly choice what you do with your feelings.

I hold on to the title of a book and have heard in many a sermon: "Happiness is a Choice"

From out here, know many, many of us take and feel great joy through your experience of success of survival, perseverance, fight and effort, and the coming together of many, many of support. When we hear and experience the tendancy of human beings to hurt or destroy each other, you and your accident showed us some light that human beings can grab the good in themselves, gather themselves together with a common goal of goodness toward another and each other, and openly express love and support to push another from the darkness of injury or near death to the light of life and salvation to a more fuller life.

I remember CDog coming out of the background and rallying the troops to raise $$$ so we had a tangible way to give and support. I remember reading hundreds of posts of jokes and encouragement and notes of love, and also those notes of fear, terror, and sadness, especially at first. I remember your friends and relatives taking over posting to keep us informed and in the loop. I may never see more praying and expression of calling on higher powers again - especially here on a "non religious" forum. If prayer and the calling on spiritual tools would have banned during your recovery, I guess 75% of us participating would have been given a time out !!! I remember it wasn't just a few posts that went something like this: "Ms Ty, I don't pray, but in your case, I will make an exception. Get well soon..."

I remember with joy each successful surgery announced and each lil picture posted. Geez, when you were discharged, I'm yelling to the wife that you were released from prison and am going to the halfway house for continued recovery. And I remember us being told your employer is very very sympathetic to your plighyt and would take care of that side of your life till you could come back. I went to the web sight and emailed him a nice note of thanksgiving on your behalf.

So, here I ramble on and on...I'm just one lil dude who has been affected by your experience in an amazing way. I believe I was given thoughts and questions for your reflection at different times and we have talked a bit through email. I believe that is still going on in a smaller way.

I think of you often and feel an honor and privilege and be a small part of your life, and most importantly your "after life" now.

This experience has changed you....and no doubt changed us. It sucks to go thourgh such a traumatic experience, but coming out the other side brings lots of new outlooks on life...hopefully mostly good ones. I picture you smelling the flowers, see the sun rise and feel it's warmth, looking at your daughter, all with different eyes now. I know because of your experience, I breath a sigh of relief that you are back and enjoying God's creation even more. I know I am. I grieve that motorcycle riding is no longer a direct part of your life currently, and feel a tinge of guilt when I think you used to zoom around Kali on your Yammy or Triumph, but then I've replaced that mind pic with you cruising the roads (at speed) in your convertable on a beautiful day along the ocean with the top down and the wind in your face.

OK, enuf of this...have a great day, my beloved Ty, and more important, HAVE A GREAT LIFE as you have been given a wonderful gift.

Kinda like a real life Lazarus. I wonder if Easter has a new, deeper meaning as it would be to me.

All your questions will be answered...just not here on earth, but in the great library in the sky when the time is right and you receive your reward.

I've got a few questions to ask myself...we all do...

much love and lotsa huggies,

Mike

 

[FJRay]

This place rocks. It is great to read about Miss Tylers recovery and her fantastic insights and in the next post she is in the gutter with the rest of us. I mean this with all the respect in the world. I don't pretend to know much about how the world works or what happens later so I plan to stay here as long as posoble but its obvious something smarter than all of us is in charge. :clapping:

 

[painman]

Very well said Tyler B) and just glad your here to say it. And yes the one you wrote of is always near. He is the one that is living that you speak that never leaves you or forsakes you...Hope to possibly see you on a ride soon my dear...PM. <><

 

[Tyler]

and in the next post she is in the gutter with the rest of us. I mean this with all the respect in the world.

And it is taken as such... the gutter is a good place to be as well.

Hope to possibly see you on a ride soon my dear...PM. <><

Me too, m'friend. B)

 

[cougar8000]

Thank you all for your thoughts... the issue at this point is not the desire to ride but the real physicality of riding at this point. My legs are about 75% skin grafts and very fragile. Bumping a coffee table with my shin can result in a new boo-boo. So the idea of throwing my leg over a bike is not just mind over matter or desire winning through the process... a tip over or even a slow low side could be devastating. Yes, I know life without risk isn't really living but how much risk do we dare take? Today, now, I cannot ride as I am not strong enough physically. Will I ride again? I just don't know.

It is great to hear that you are making progress. Going forward is progress no matter how slow it is. Things come to those that wait.

Few years back I had a crash, not nearly as bad as yours. It broke my tibia in 2 places and broke an ankle off. I was trying to be good and take it slow, but having one, at a time, kid that had an energizer battery left in the tush, was hard. And playing with him I almost re-broke, I think it is a word if not it is now , my ankle. That set me back almost a month.

Take it easy and take one day at a time as you do already. If I am ever in your neck of the woods you are in mine drinks are on me.

 

[Tyler]

If I am ever in your neck of the woods you are in mine drinks are on me.

Deal!

 

[MEM]

I hope to meet you soon, perhaps at Barb's big shindig in September.
I have a hug for you,

David

I'll be meeting Ty in September AND I'll be sleeping with her

Ty - you rock, baby