Parenting Isn't For Cowards

[Patriot]

Mike - if you ask me, it took a lot of courage to open up about this on a piblic forum.
But, we're family, even if OM, like 'that' crazy uncle, puts the 'fun' in dysfunctional. :dribble:

Best of luck to your daughter. I don't have kids (that I know of) and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so I have no pearls of wisdom for ya, but I do feel for ya. Keep up the good fight!

[levity]

Your thread title got me to thinking...

No, parenting isn't for cowards.

But, neither is being a kid.

Keep in mind that Bust has reproduced.

Think of the stories they'll have to tell THEIR kids!!

:blink:

[/levity]

Take care,

Andy

funny thing, in a few months, Bust's son will be a MARINE...ponder that... :dribble:

 

[Patriot]

Some day she will realize and tell you how much she appreciates all of your efforts parenting her. My son and I had that conversation a few years after he was out of high school. I can't begin to tell you how much that will mean to you. Becuase until that time you will always doubt and second guess yourself. Follow your heart, it will guide you in the right direction.
Prayers and hope sent your way!

A piece of advice for you folks and an insight:

In some sermon or seminar, it was suggested to ponder the right things, the right motives our parent hopefully had when they attempted to raise us. It's true nobody goes to college to learn to be a parent. And in my case, my kids are girls and have opposite personalities and bents. Hard to parent in the first place, but seemingly impossible to flex from one to another customizing the approach to each separately and distinctly.

That said, it was strongly advised to list the positive aspects of growing up, what your parents did or attempted to do for you, and the ******** you imposed on them. I took the advice to write a letter to each of my parents separately, praising them and describing some of the good times you remember and cherish.

I took the occassion to write this letter during my engagement and mail it from the hotel of my honeymoon. My Dad died suddenly in his sleep 3 months after my wedding. I found the letter in his desk at work when I was cleaning it out. It was still wet with moist drops on the paper.

The insight: I have found two pearls of life: God, as promised, does not allow the sending to me more than I can handle. And what doesn't kill me, does make me stronger and a better person in many ways.

 

[FJRK]

That is a fantastic idea. Very well said. Thank you!

 

[rogdeb]

Mike,

We'll be keeping you, Emily, and your family in our thoughts.

Rog n Debs

 

[Big Shasta]

Dang Mike...I really do feel for you. I can't imagine how tough it would be for me to have my precious daughter going through all of this. I'll be praying for you.

I pray each day is better than the last......One day at a time!

Ken

 

[madjackdog]

Mike, I have no special insight to give you other than hang in there. I do know that often, adjusting meds can be a little bit of hit and miss and can take awhile, but when they finally get it right, it can make a world of difference. I raised 3 girls and a boy, and you're certainly right about the "God at eleven, an idiot at 13". My youngest daughter is also Emily and there was a space of 3 or 4 years where her Dad could do no right. Time really is the great healer, Mike (Mike is my son; I don't have a Marybeth, though). Good luck, Mike, you're a good person, and a great Dad, and someday, hopefully soon, you'll look back and laugh at all this.

 

[FJRBluesman]

Mike - I can only imagine what you and the family are going thru. I'll be praying for Emily, you, and the family. I know God is much greater and He can do it. So I'll just ask.

 

[gregory]

Prayers thoughts and JUJU sent your way Mike.
You are correct in parenting is not for the faint of heart. Hang in there. Had a trip the the mental hospital for my daughter "cutting" just recently. There are no manuels, no easy fixes or roadmaps. Love, patients, support and more love.

If I can help (even if it's only to vent) let me know.

All the best,

Greg

thanx Greg

I learned Hurricane Katrina was very hard on Emily.

Her favorite teachers and friends left town never to be seen again.

She was taken away (all of us as a family) from her surroundings for two months to live in a (to her) stranger's basement in NC.

She was put in a strange school there and finds it hard to adapt.

Her bipolar kicked in with a vengence under the stress and this was before diagnosis and meds.

When she returned home, she started cutting herself after another disfunctional older neighborhood girl introduced her to that.

Then the other girl started showing inappropriate affection when Emily was feeling empty.

Then they started taking digital pictures and posting them on the internet. Thankfully these were PG13 in bathing suits, etc., but still

Then she started school in a private Christian school and she made some friends, including a sweet boy one grade earlier than her.

He committed suicide in the school parking lot one morning using his Dad's .38 special. She still talks about that dark day.

She had a disfunctional relationship with a classmate. He also is bipolar and attached himself to her like a barnacle.

His uninvolved parents later expected me to parent their son and it all had to end. Was messy.

So here we are, working toward graduating high school and wondering what will become of her as she moves to adulthood and beyond.

It's all good and God is at work. All of our faith's are strong and we look forward to what He has in store for her and all of us.

She obviously loves her parents and relates well to me as I share her bipolar. Instead of resenting me (I don't know if she realizes she inherited the condition from me and her grandmother) she shows true compassion and we kinda share this war with mental illness. And, we used to butt heads too much with the invested emotion thing, but now we text back and forth our true feelings and opinions and that seems to take the edge off which I find facinating.

She really likes to share the day with me, likes to ride on the back of the Feej (fair weather and not too long!), and was thrilled I bought her a red armored Tourmaster jacket recently. I told her she needed boots to protect her feet and ankles when we ride, so pick some out. She went on the internet and picked out some combat/tactical boots with laces and zippers up the side. Only $50 and they were what she wanted. Sold.

She and my youngest daughter are proud of my work with the PGR. They both want to make any "Welcome Home" mission to greet returning active duty military. They stood with me in Biloxi when a company of SeaBees returned from the sandbox and we shook over 125 hands as the soldiers walked off the buses. We all chuckled at our deformed, aching hands afterwood.

It's easy to forget what is going on in your kids world, how much they really have to deal with. I am always amazed at how strong and giving they really are.

Fight the good fight Mike, it will all come back to you and you will both be blessed.

Greg

 

[FJR-RemingtonRider]

Patriot/Mike,

Finally taking the time to read this thread and immediately my heart surged. You have captured a precious moment in parenting that many miss; until much later. You are in tune with your children and that is tremendously hard to do at any age and level. I immediately prayed for your family. Your sharing of this is precious. I must commend you for your fatherly love to your child; it's not easy for any parent to witness the darkness that can attempt to blend into a child's life, through media, internet and friends. As Parent's we must be diligent and patient with our kids. I want to encourage you and others as we go through these battles for our children; not battling with our children.

Two of my three son's have went down the road of medication for mental instability/focus. As they are still teens, we continue to deal with their development with our trust and faith in the word.

When you are faced with those circumstances and diagnosis; at first it is serious gut check as a parent. But you have the right key in dealing with this issue.

God is our source and our supplier; our shield and our buckler and most of all he controls all and how much we will bare.

By your account he has placed people in your path and midst to help you deal with these issues with your child, and that is truly a blessing.

Remain faithful Mike; and we pray that this season shall pass and her womanly walk will be free of these strongholds.

Your Partner in Christ,

Willie

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

Hang in there Mike. Sounds like you are involved in her life and getting services to her that she needs. Not much else we can do for our kids.

I assume she is seeing a pediatric psychiatrist. There are only 5000 in the US, but if by chance she is not -- get her to one. She is obviously at high risk, and needs the best. Just my $.02

 

[Patriot]

Hang in there Mike. Sounds like you are involved in her life and getting services to her that she needs. Not much else we can do for our kids.
I assume she is seeing a pediatric psychiatrist. There are only 5000 in the US, but if by chance she is not -- get her to one. She is obviously at high risk, and needs the best. Just my $.02

yep Michael, Emily is...and the lady is better than most IMHO. This is Emily's fourth since we returned from evacuating Hurricane Katrina in Oct '05. Interesting around here, history is before Katrina and after Katrina. A defining moment.

part of the fun is since Hurricane Katrina, 70% of our mental health medical professionals have left town

my psch doc is frustrated because there's some evidence on the bottom of the barrel have stayed.

I am so thankful my doc of 10 years is, so far, like me...an imeshed Nawlin' ian and chooses to stay no matter what.

THANK YOU ALL, MY CYBER FRIENDS. MY HEART IS LIFTED; SOME OF US SHARE THE SAME EXPERIENCES IN PERHAPS DIFFERENT FLAVORS.

Somehow I want to help get Mental Illness out of the dark shadows. We openly talk about Cancer and it's effects on our family, friends, selves. We even openly raise money for it's treatment and cure. Well it's past time that Mental Illness come out of the dark, padded rooms into the light with no stigma and the expectation of support and understanding.

You are just as likely to contract a mental disease as a physical one and they come in the same number of flavors, names, and treatments. You can die of Cancer...well I can tell you, you can die of Mental Disease. I'm not proud, no afraid to tell anyone about the two dark days about a year apart when I was considering ending it all and had the means at any moment. But somewhere, there was a clear voice yelling over the dark, black, destructive voices that there was a downside to it, my family loved me, and it was time to remember I loved myself.

It's friends like you along with my family that quench those voices of false testimony that I am unloved, worthless, and better off giving up.

well:

I won't give up, I'll never give up - Jimmy Valvano, dying of cancer, last speech at Espy awards 1993

https://www.jimmyv.org/remembering-jim/espy...rds-speech.html

and I won't let the *******s win

 

[CAJW]

Mike,

All families feel they have trials and tribulations, but your story reminds me how trivial some of our concerns are. We need to stop and thank God for our blessings each and every day and offer strength and prayers to those who need them more than we do. I'm thrilled to hear that Emily loves to ride with you and is definitely a bonding experience that needs to be repeated as often as possible. To help further that cause, I'll send you these riding pants for Emily to use on those rides. https://www.fjrforum.com/forum//index.php?showtopic=122949 PM me with your address and they'll be on the way. Take care my friend. ( Note to self....gotta get out to do more PGR missions)

 

[madmike2]

If parenting were easy, any one could do it right!

PM sent.

 

[radman]

Yeah, tell me about it. PM for the details. :blink:

 

[Shawn]

God, as promised, does not allow the sending to me more than I can handle.

+1

Emily, and you Mike, and the rest of the family are on my prayer list. Know that although we may not be there in person, we are there with you none-the-less, let us be your Aaron and Hur in this battle...

Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

Sir Winston Churchill, Speech, 1941, Harrow School

 

[Silver Penguin]

Somehow I want to help get Mental Illness out of the dark shadows. We openly talk about Cancer and it's effects on our family, friends, selves. We even openly raise money for it's treatment and cure. Well it's past time that Mental Illness come out of the dark, padded rooms into the light with no stigma and the expectation of support and understanding.
You are just as likely to contract a mental disease as a physical one and they come in the same number of flavors, names, and treatments. You can die of Cancer...well I can tell you, you can die of Mental Disease.

Wow - in the same place that we talk about nasty things with livestock, we see great wisdom and insight. What a wonderful world it would be if the stigma were removed from mental illness. Those who suffer cannot 'suck it over and get over it' in the same way that you can't will yourself over a broken leg, or diabetes. Something isn't working right and needs to be fixed.

Like many other forum members, I've spent some time in the shadows, and helped a loved one to fight those same demons. Professionally, I've seen terrible things that kids have gone through, sometimes causing their lives to end prematurely.

Thank you for having the courage to bring a very personal, painful subject to the forum for open discussion. While there isn't a whole lot that I can do to help. I can add my thoughts and prayers to those of others, in letting you know that you're not alone in dealing with this.

 

[zip]

Goodness, Mike. As a father to two young children, I fear going through the same kind of thing, and wish you all great blessings in hoping things will work out for you and your family.

 

[Tyler]

Wow - in the same place that we talk about nasty things with livestock, we see great wisdom and insight. What a wonderful world it would be if the stigma were removed from mental illness. Those who suffer cannot 'suck it over and get over it' in the same way that you can't will yourself over a broken leg, or diabetes. Something isn't working right and needs to be fixed.
Like many other forum members, I've spent some time in the shadows, and helped a loved one to fight those same demons. Professionally, I've seen terrible things that kids have gone through, sometimes causing their lives to end prematurely.

A couple of years back there was an event in the motorcycle community down in the North Bay... a gal named Melinda Moore (aka Big Red) went missing after leaving her home on her bike. A full search was put into effect and hundreds of people formed search parties, posted on forums, made phone calls, etc. It turned out that she had taken her own life by driving herself off of a cliff on Hwy 1. The resulting threads discussing suicide and the candid stories from people that have dealt with depression and the issues involved were really amazing and opened up a lot of discussion and insight for many. I hope that your story, Mike, can do the same and maybe touch a few people's lives in a positive manner with your honesty and strength.

 

[Ric in Sac]

Having raised a bi-polar daughter myself, who is now 26 years old, it gets better with time. They get to know themselves, how the meds are working, and coping mechanisms to help learn to deal with it.

Bi-polar can also be special in a good way. It seems to enhance the creativity side of the thinking process. Many famous people, such as artists and inventors, were know to be bi-polar. Let your daughter know it makes her special -- in a good way. It isn't all negative and God has a purpose for her.

We could start a list of famous bi-polar persons. Van Gough and Mozart are a good start. Anybody else want to add to the list?

 

[Patriot]

I've hesitated...but here goes...

I hope

1) her bipolar will stabilize and her meds with help her at the proper dose with little or no side effects

2) her tendency toward mood swings, especially the depression, lack of self esteem, and responding badly to circumstances in her life would improve

3) she would take seriously the resource special ed program and do all she can to succeed using it's tools

I am thankful for the staff at East Jefferson High and their willingness to serve, lead, and assist Emily in her quest to succeed. Emily has had very bad days and goes to the head counselor to talk about what she's feeling and her reactions to circumstances in her life.

Thank you for your prayers, kind thoughts, support for this situation. I'm reminded daily that "Parenting Isn't For Cowards"

Affectionately,

Mike

well, downhill on #1-2

and the friggin' school folk have unknowingly driven her to veg in her room afraid to go out the house

there was a big misunderstanding yesterday when the home room teacher, a counselor, and her special ed advisor were all on a different page and a teacher reported her as skipping her class. The disiplinarian could not resolve it all and wrote her up for a suspension, effectively squashing her chances for the special ed program. The home room teacher would only say that she didn't remember Emily in her class, and if there, had no idea when she came or went.

she's quite fragile and has some evidense God and life is against her

I don't blame her for her feelings, but her Mom, Sister, and I have surrounded her with our unconditional love to shore her up to get through.

A bump in the road, but sometimes one just shakes their head at life's troubles

let's keep plugging away and not murder anyone today,

Mike in Nawlins'