MEM
Well-known member
Good thoughts are with you and the AIW, Mike
I've been wondering how Emily's been doing
ME
I've been wondering how Emily's been doing
ME
Parenting Isn't For Cowards
- Thread starter Patriot
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Patriot
Isabella is Lazarus
as documented below...exactly 17 years ago 2pm Central, was one of God's greatest gifts ever bestowed on lil ole moi. My first born daughter Emily Christine came into the world kicking and screaming at just shy of 9#...finally...a bit late in life for me as I was on my way to 35 at the time
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Silver Penguin
Silver Penguin
Happy Birthday Emily. You have the honor of sharing your special day with my son, who arrived a quarter century ago. He arrived just over a week shy of his big sister's first birthday.
Checkswrecks
Well-known member
Congrats Dad & daughter!
FJR-RemingtonRider
Their Sunset / My Sunrise
Here here! Happy Birthday...
Just saw this thread for the first time. Prayers and juju sent your family and Emily's way.
In a former job, I worked at an adolescent mental health facility. It was residential with an average stay of 18 months. These were all kids that had been through at least a few different treatments. Kind of hard cases. We used to see plenty that had been poorly diagnosed and poorly medicated. Things are better now. But getting that medication balance right is key. We saw many heart rendiing tradgedies but many fabulous success stories. It definitely looks like Emily is goinig to be one of the successes.
Many families came to us desparate because they couldn't find appropriate care anywhere. It looks like you are on the right track. Many of the parents should have been criminally prosecuted for the mistreatment or neglect of thier children. It sounds like you are one of the good ones that really cares and loves the child. That Emily will communicate with you is a fantastic plus. You have the odds in your favor. Great job!
Hang in there (do you have a choice?) as it will get better. Adolescence is a tough road for many, but most often there is sunshine on the other side. God has blessed you with a good heart. Thank you for passing it along to your children!
mr.paul from Minnesota
In a former job, I worked at an adolescent mental health facility. It was residential with an average stay of 18 months. These were all kids that had been through at least a few different treatments. Kind of hard cases. We used to see plenty that had been poorly diagnosed and poorly medicated. Things are better now. But getting that medication balance right is key. We saw many heart rendiing tradgedies but many fabulous success stories. It definitely looks like Emily is goinig to be one of the successes.
Many families came to us desparate because they couldn't find appropriate care anywhere. It looks like you are on the right track. Many of the parents should have been criminally prosecuted for the mistreatment or neglect of thier children. It sounds like you are one of the good ones that really cares and loves the child. That Emily will communicate with you is a fantastic plus. You have the odds in your favor. Great job!
Hang in there (do you have a choice?) as it will get better. Adolescence is a tough road for many, but most often there is sunshine on the other side. God has blessed you with a good heart. Thank you for passing it along to your children!
mr.paul from Minnesota
Big-D
Well-known member
Following your story has been so heart warming to say the least. Not knowing what to say and not having an instant cure for your situation is hard. I'm sure I am not alone in saying I am so pleased your little Emily is on a positive route and I applaud you for having the strength and determination to stay focused in helping Emily, which in turn has also helped her dad.
Absolutely nothing is as powerful as Love and Faith!
Absolutely nothing is as powerful as Love and Faith!
lonesoldier84
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Disclaimer:
-I understand you love your daughter very much.
-I am not a parent so am probably outside my "zone" in posting here at all.
-I do not intend any disrespect and appreciate that you are fully invested emotionally and personally in this matter.
-I am not suggesting I know how to raise your daughter any better than you do (or even as well) because I don't know the various nuances of your situation.
-I am just sharing my feedback and viewpoint in as positive a manner as I can.
-I am offering my opinion on parenting as a non-parent. I understand how annoying that can be.
With that said, in response to:
I am not talking about being aggressive and mean with someone who is obviously of a very sensitive disposition, but when I was growing up I knew there was a certain degree of normalcy I was expected to maintain and there simply was no falling outside that. It wasn't even on the radar because my parents had suffocated all options except for ones that led to positive personal growth.
Even with that I had a tough time and growing up was a gong-show.
So if you take a laissez-faire attitude to children, that gong-show turns into something even more extreme. Goth suicides, etc.
Hope is not a plan.
I am not suggesting you have an entirely laissez-faire attitude because I don't know you. But many parents do and perhaps you share some of those traits. What are those traits? Things like believing children somehow have "rights" and "personal space", etc. With someone who is already 16 and has already had this for her whole life, it can be virtually impossible or very difficult to reel that back in. But children have one right: healthy upbringing. Everything other than that is something the parent controls. With many children you can be very lax because they understand the lessons effectively. With others who are more tumultuous, while ****-kicking them is unacceptable, they are the inferior beings in the parent-child relationship. They must be made to submit to your will and they must do so with good grace and love. They might not show that grace and love at first, but eventually they will come around if it's done properly. Obviously this is not an opening for abuse of any sort. But you are physically, mentally, and emotionally superior to your children. It is possible to make them submit to you in this manner without abusing them. It would involve your force of will being greater than theirs and supplementing that greater force of will with tactics and strategy.
I base that on my "coming around" after being initially ungraceful and unloving in response to how my parents managed me. Sure in hindsight there is a lot I would go back and critique them, but in the end I must respect the way it all played out because they were my superiors and I recognized and recognize that. My mum never read any books on parenting. I was MORE than a handful. Her force of will was enough to move a freight train. Love her more than anything and I am in awe of what she managed to accomplish as a single mother with a grade 2 education in a new world out west all on her own.
Western life sees children calling their mothers ******* and whores. Goth suicides are rampant. Other problems also exist.
Reel that **** in.
Children have no rights except life and health.
Hope is not a plan.
-I understand you love your daughter very much.
-I am not a parent so am probably outside my "zone" in posting here at all.
-I do not intend any disrespect and appreciate that you are fully invested emotionally and personally in this matter.
-I am not suggesting I know how to raise your daughter any better than you do (or even as well) because I don't know the various nuances of your situation.
-I am just sharing my feedback and viewpoint in as positive a manner as I can.
-I am offering my opinion on parenting as a non-parent. I understand how annoying that can be.
With that said, in response to:
Hope is not a plan. With people shooting themselves, cutting themselves, and in general going on living an unhealthy lifestyle, how is it that parents can support the unhealthy part of their children's lifestyle? I understand you are not supporting the bits where she is actually hurting herself very blatantly, but there is something very wrong with the laissez-faire attitude many parents take with their children.
I am not talking about being aggressive and mean with someone who is obviously of a very sensitive disposition, but when I was growing up I knew there was a certain degree of normalcy I was expected to maintain and there simply was no falling outside that. It wasn't even on the radar because my parents had suffocated all options except for ones that led to positive personal growth.
Even with that I had a tough time and growing up was a gong-show.
So if you take a laissez-faire attitude to children, that gong-show turns into something even more extreme. Goth suicides, etc.
Hope is not a plan.
I am not suggesting you have an entirely laissez-faire attitude because I don't know you. But many parents do and perhaps you share some of those traits. What are those traits? Things like believing children somehow have "rights" and "personal space", etc. With someone who is already 16 and has already had this for her whole life, it can be virtually impossible or very difficult to reel that back in. But children have one right: healthy upbringing. Everything other than that is something the parent controls. With many children you can be very lax because they understand the lessons effectively. With others who are more tumultuous, while ****-kicking them is unacceptable, they are the inferior beings in the parent-child relationship. They must be made to submit to your will and they must do so with good grace and love. They might not show that grace and love at first, but eventually they will come around if it's done properly. Obviously this is not an opening for abuse of any sort. But you are physically, mentally, and emotionally superior to your children. It is possible to make them submit to you in this manner without abusing them. It would involve your force of will being greater than theirs and supplementing that greater force of will with tactics and strategy.
I base that on my "coming around" after being initially ungraceful and unloving in response to how my parents managed me. Sure in hindsight there is a lot I would go back and critique them, but in the end I must respect the way it all played out because they were my superiors and I recognized and recognize that. My mum never read any books on parenting. I was MORE than a handful. Her force of will was enough to move a freight train. Love her more than anything and I am in awe of what she managed to accomplish as a single mother with a grade 2 education in a new world out west all on her own.
Western life sees children calling their mothers ******* and whores. Goth suicides are rampant. Other problems also exist.
Reel that **** in.
Children have no rights except life and health.
Hope is not a plan.
rushes
Well-known member
Yup.
Until you've actually raised a teenager or 5, Ya prolly outta shut the **** up.....
Sincerely,
lonesoldier84
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2010
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Yeah, no worries mate. That's exactly why I posted the disclaimer. I know my place in this pecking order of parents/non-parents. Was just sharing my views, regardless of how helpful they may or may not be.Yup.
Until you've actually raised a teenager or 5, Ya prolly outta shut the **** up.....
Sincerely,
And I'm not really saying anything of what I said even applies in this instance. That is just my reaction to what I read and my views in general on subject matter such as this.
I intend no disrespect to the parents of this child, and can understand any annoyance and anger that may be directed at me. I understand you are good people doing the best you can, and don't want to cause you any negative emotion.
I just wanted to share my feedback, again, regardless of how helpful it may or may not be, but in the desire that it may be helpful.
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Patriot
Isabella is Lazarus
Family life is such a struggle <sigh> h34r:
h34r: 
Duezzer
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- Messages
- 290
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- -1
Patriot
Keep up your support and keep listening so you can guide Parenthood is tough - there is no dought in my mind
I went from bachlor to Grandpa in under 3 years
I got married a few years ago and got the great experience now of having a 15 year old daughter ( 10 when I came into her life ) and a 21 year old son (16 for him)
The young man is raising his own familly and the daughter is with us
I read a few books on parenting that have helped a lot
The ones that really helped was by a lady Barbra Colloruso ( not sure if it is the right spelling )
She gives great ideas on why and how the young brain works and why we have to do things in certain ways
When I follow her sujestion her life goes well ( read - not as bad as it can be for a teenager ) and when I try to do it my way -- well not so good for her and I
The way I deal with her now is becoming more and more engrained and her life is ----- the life of a faily well adjusted teenager
Wish you the best
Keep up your support and keep listening so you can guide Parenthood is tough - there is no dought in my mind
I went from bachlor to Grandpa in under 3 years
I got married a few years ago and got the great experience now of having a 15 year old daughter ( 10 when I came into her life ) and a 21 year old son (16 for him)
The young man is raising his own familly and the daughter is with us
I read a few books on parenting that have helped a lot
The ones that really helped was by a lady Barbra Colloruso ( not sure if it is the right spelling )
She gives great ideas on why and how the young brain works and why we have to do things in certain ways
When I follow her sujestion her life goes well ( read - not as bad as it can be for a teenager ) and when I try to do it my way -- well not so good for her and I
The way I deal with her now is becoming more and more engrained and her life is ----- the life of a faily well adjusted teenager
Wish you the best
rushes
Well-known member
Hang in there...Family life is such a struggle <sigh>
Ya do the best ya can an that's all you can do... :thumbsup:
Patriot
Isabella is Lazarus
first of all, thanx...I feel the love :yahoo:
read the thread...she doesn't have a "normal" teenager brain...neither do I have a "normal" adult brain
we both suffer with mental illness...bipolar...manic depression
meds have stabilized me...teenagers hormones and moods change alot already...you ought to deal with a teenager bipolar lunatic that meds stop working every 3-6 months and the fun begins
adjusting meds is a hit or miss proposition
...it took a year to find the magic forumula for me... :blink: oh well, I'm just venting
I count my blessings often and this forum and my Feej peeps is right up with the best
best to all and God give me patience and I WANT IT NOW !!!
Mike
in Nawlins'
rushes
Well-known member
'Normal' is only a setting on your dryer....
Again, ya do do the best ya can do....
edit: My wife has a masters in special ed...
Sometimes I think she's jus watchin me.....
We all got schtuff.....
Again, ya do do the best ya can do....
edit: My wife has a masters in special ed...
Sometimes I think she's jus watchin me.....
We all got schtuff.....
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Patriot
Isabella is Lazarus
Great news in the Oliver household...
Emzy is on track to graduate high school
We even paid and had her Senior Pictures done and bought her graduation robe
She'll only be short 1.5 credits for the local complete graduation diploma (will receive only the basic State certificate this May
She wants to use her summer to complete that
with the goal to go to our local Delgado Community College in the fall
<relief sigh>
:yahoo:
Emzy is on track to graduate high school
We even paid and had her Senior Pictures done and bought her graduation robe
She'll only be short 1.5 credits for the local complete graduation diploma (will receive only the basic State certificate this May
She wants to use her summer to complete that
with the goal to go to our local Delgado Community College in the fall
<relief sigh>
:yahoo:
Warchild
Benevolent Dictator
Geezer
Parsimonious Curmudgeon
:specool: :graduated:
Patriot
Isabella is Lazarus
thanx Dale...means a lot
btw...she's showing real motivation cause I told her "no ring" till it's official in August...then she can pick out anything she wants :clapping:
she likes the idea of being "different" with a hand picked hand jewelery item that's not the stock school single option (Balphor / Balfor)
now about the double stud piercings just below her lower lip :assassin:
:yahoo: :clapping: :yahoo:
TriggerT
Mr. Impatient
If she wants it bad enough, she will make it happen.
I was diagnosed at a young age as having "special needs" with an LD, and what was later termed LDBD.
I was lucky enough to have great parents who never gave up on me. My 3rd grade teacher told my mom that I would never read above a 6th grade level, would almost certainly not graduate from high school, and college was out of the question.
I graduated form College with an English degree, writing minor, and and emphasis in Old English literature. My mom LOVES to run into my old 3rd grade teacher and mention it to her.
Don't give up. Do your best to not let her give up. It is a struggle and a journey, not a quick fix.
I was diagnosed at a young age as having "special needs" with an LD, and what was later termed LDBD.
I was lucky enough to have great parents who never gave up on me. My 3rd grade teacher told my mom that I would never read above a 6th grade level, would almost certainly not graduate from high school, and college was out of the question.
I graduated form College with an English degree, writing minor, and and emphasis in Old English literature. My mom LOVES to run into my old 3rd grade teacher and mention it to her.
Don't give up. Do your best to not let her give up. It is a struggle and a journey, not a quick fix.
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