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Medical Jokes
- Thread starter doctorJ
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Let us know if you need a truss when yer doneWell just dayum, Barb, you are blowin my stereotypes of wimmin. I just knew they didn't think like men. Excuse me while I go adjust a paradigm :blink:
doctorj
I think OM may have a spare kicking around
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exskibum
~<>~<>~<>~<>~
Good friend of mine (EJ), now 63, had this story told at his 50th birthday roast by a physician friend (Eb) -- wish I could tell it as well as I heard it. EJ is a senior civil and explosives engineer and the consummate practical joker. He knows several doctors pretty well and has played elaborate practical jokes of one sort or another on all of them, as well as on many others. He, on the other hand, has been extremely difficult to get even with.
Eb told it like this: when EJ was in his 40s, he was working in Tahoe when he jumped over a split rail fence, which had reached out and grabbed his male parts, causing significant damage and excruciating pain. Doubled over, he somehow managed to get himself down the mountain to the foothills here, where he lives and knows the aforesaid doctors. Surgery was required, as was anesthesia. You see where this is going.
The surgery went well, and EJ awoke in a room where a couple of his doctor friends (P.J. victims, naturally) greeted him back from the realm of the unconscious. They were apparently very helpful and concerned as he got more lucid, asking him how he felt and then leading him to check out his condition and manner of dress. It was then that EJ discovered that he was wearing a very large matching pink brassiere and panties. Even better, he had a tag tied with a string to his penis, purporting to be an inspection card and signed by every nurse on the floor.
It is still the only occasion I know of where any of EJ's practical joke victims have gotten complete revenge.
Eb told it like this: when EJ was in his 40s, he was working in Tahoe when he jumped over a split rail fence, which had reached out and grabbed his male parts, causing significant damage and excruciating pain. Doubled over, he somehow managed to get himself down the mountain to the foothills here, where he lives and knows the aforesaid doctors. Surgery was required, as was anesthesia. You see where this is going.
The surgery went well, and EJ awoke in a room where a couple of his doctor friends (P.J. victims, naturally) greeted him back from the realm of the unconscious. They were apparently very helpful and concerned as he got more lucid, asking him how he felt and then leading him to check out his condition and manner of dress. It was then that EJ discovered that he was wearing a very large matching pink brassiere and panties. Even better, he had a tag tied with a string to his penis, purporting to be an inspection card and signed by every nurse on the floor.
It is still the only occasion I know of where any of EJ's practical joke victims have gotten complete revenge.
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MEM
Well-known member
Silver Penguin
Silver Penguin
No, please no!!!! I am part of the Code White team at my place. (It's our term to signify a pediatric medical emergency, outside of the ICU) When a code is called within the ICU the term is less formal. E.g. Oh s**t! or there is another word beginning with F often substituted.
Speaking of sweat hogs, we see beached whales, even in pediatrics. It's amazing what a Los Robustos mentality will do for a child. Ever seen a ninety pound three year old? (and he was only just three). No medical cause for his size, just a very active appetite, appeased by a serious fast food habit. Nice kid, but wow, was he storing up some problems for later in life.
doctorJ
Well-known member
In America, that is when parents want to sue McDonalds for the kids condition. Kill all the lawyers (Shakespeare).
doctorj
doctorJ
Well-known member
Let us know if you need a truss when yer doneWell just dayum, Barb, you are blowin my stereotypes of wimmin
doctorj
I think OM may have a spare kicking around
No, my paradigms are pretty light since they seem to get changed pretty often. No truss needed. Now I got it--wimmin--naughty thinkers looking innocent :yahoo: . This could get me into trouble now that I know it, .doctorj
You and me, both DJ...*L*Let us know if you need a truss when yer doneWell just dayum, Barb, you are blowin my stereotypes of wimmin
doctorj
I think OM may have a spare kicking around
doctorj
Alright, one more true story. I was working my way through undergraduate school in Boston. I was working the ED in Security (I hadn't gone to the dark side of patient care yet). I just started New Year's shift and the guy I was relieving told me (later confirmed by others) that an MVA had come in with two guys. One was banged up. The other had his penis almost bitten off. Funny part came when they told the drunk driver his penis was not "bitten off" by a woman in the accident, but a transvestite in drag.
Before you ask, yes it was reattached, and no I don't know if it still worked.
Bust, ya ever been in Boston?
Before you ask, yes it was reattached, and no I don't know if it still worked.
Bust, ya ever been in Boston?
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Silver Penguin
Silver Penguin
doctorj
Spend some time in the nurses' break room and see how innocent the thoughts are. :yahoo:
MEM
Well-known member
BTDT :lol:. Now I got it--wimmin--naughty thinkers looking innocent :yahoo: . This could get me into trouble now that I know it,
doctorj
Spend some time in the nurses' break room and see how innocent the thoughts are. :yahoo:
wheatonFJR
...
So the naughty nurse thing is something we should take advantage of ...when in the hospital? Or elsewheres?
Me too. Being a heterosexual male RN is great sometimes.BTDT :lol:. Now I got it--wimmin--naughty thinkers looking innocent :yahoo: . This could get me into trouble now that I know it,
doctorj
Spend some time in the nurses' break room and see how innocent the thoughts are. :yahoo:
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doctorJ
Well-known member
Hey peeps, I said naughty thinkers LOOKING innocent. And having spent most of my life with L & D nurses, OR nurses, scrub nurses, circulating nurses etc. I gotta say, they are great people, even if their humor is a bit randy at timesBTDT :lol:. Now I got it--wimmin--naughty thinkers looking innocent :yahoo: . This could get me into trouble now that I know it,
doctorj
Spend some time in the nurses' break room and see how innocent the thoughts are. :yahoo:
. But great people with big hearts (can't really tell about ****s in those loose scrubs anyway, :angry: ).doctorj
doctorJ
Well-known member
Me too. Being a heterosexual male RN is great sometimes.BTDT :lol:. Now I got it--wimmin--naughty thinkers looking innocent :yahoo: . This could get me into trouble now that I know it,
doctorj
Spend some time in the nurses' break room and see how innocent the thoughts are. :yahoo:
OK, I am going to make this clear. I am a flaming HETEROSEXUAL too :clapping: . Now I have that off my chest. I feel so much better. BTW, be careful listening to gynecologists, they are spreaders of old wive's tales :yahoo: .
doctorj
Bustanut joker
Well-known member
Nope :blink: Mizz B and I do know a fella who had this happen though
Seems he was giving his brothers GF a ride home one night and failed to negotiate a curve in the road he'd traveled for years..
Didn't take much to figure out why. :lol:
Sill *** ended up with a broken jaw and chomped wiener.
His brother wasn't all that impressed either.:jester:
beemerdons
Certifiable Old Fart
So Bust, after your last stay in the hospital: What did the tag on your dick say? "Just like a human penis, but only smaller!!"
Bustanut joker
Well-known member
Tag?? :blink: Hell it's so small they taped that message above it..
Here's to ya Don :****: :jester:
Here's to ya Don :****: :jester:
Bogey907
Well-known member
The best ER story I've heard was the guy that came in with a broken arm. They asked him how it happened, and he just said "It was because of my hemorrhoids". The nurse said she didn't understand. Finally he admitted he had climbed up on his dresser and bent over to look at the hemorhoids in the mirror, fell off and broke his arm.
oster_oops:
oster_oops:
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