Medical Jokes

[Bustanut joker]

^^^

This had to have been something Howie did.. :lol: :lol: :lol:

:jester:

 

[doctorJ]

So Bust, after your last stay in the hospital: What did the tag on your dick say? "Just like a human penis, but only smaller!!"

I think the way I heard the story was after Bust's stay in the hospital, he was told not to lift anything heavy. So he tells the doctor, he'd have to get someone to help him take a leak then (you know trying to make a joke--I know it is hard for him to do). The doc then (with all seriousness) said he understood, and that anyone would do to help Bust carry the heavy microscope he had to carry with him to find the right equipment :blink: (Does Bust live a long way from me BTW )

doctorj

 

[exskibum]

Does Bust live a long way from me BTW

And a good thing, too. But if someone shows up in NC with razor and a wild eyed sheep sex grin, wanting to shave your anus . . .

:dribble: :dribble:

Good luck, doc! :lol:

 

[doctorJ]

While we are all having fun i.e. not riding too much, I thought I'd add a few about getting old. Of course none of these apply to me.

You know you are getting old when:

1. What memories you have are in black and white.

2. You have more hair coming out of your ears and nose than on your head.

3. Some body parts get stiff that you would rather not, while other parts get softer that you would rather be stiff.

4. You love to look at beautiful women, but you can't remember why.

5. You are in the initial stages of life--IRA, AARP etc.

6. You can't remember anything yesterday, but you can remember a specific BM last month.

7. They charge you for a senior coffee at McDonalds without you asking for it.

8. You read the obituary column every day to make sure your name isn't on it.

9. Your underwear doesn't ever need washing since you just dispose of it and put on another.

10. You find new and creative ways to get your friends to take off your wheels and tires and put them back on for you after tire changes.

OK, now you can add your own (not from your own experience obviously).

doctorj

 

[doctorJ]

"wild eyed sheep sex grin, wanting to shave your anus . . ."

He'd do that for me, hmmmm :hyper:

doctorj

 

[beemerdons]

"wild eyed sheep sex grin, wanting to shave your anus . . ."
He'd do that for me, hmmmm :hyper:

doctorj

Lovingly!

 

[Bustanut joker]

I think the way I heard the story was after Bust's stay in the hospital, he was told not to lift anything heavy. So he tells the doctor, he'd have to get someone to help him take a leak then (you know trying to make a joke--I know it is hard for him to do). The doc then (with all seriousness) said he understood, and that anyone would do to help Bust carry the heavy microscope he had to carry with him to find the right equipment :blink: (Does Bust live a long way from me BTW )
doctorj

Hey Doc Better watch out. I could soon be closer than you think.

I'm currently unemployed and the job market up here really sucks. Fortunately I have a brother and a good friend who both reside in the Burlington area..

I hear they are looking for reasonable HVAC guys down that way. B)

Ya just might get that aforementioned shave sooner than ya think :lol:

Kisses,

:jester:

 

[exskibum]

Hey Doc Better watch out. I could soon be closer than you think.
I'm currently unemployed and the job market up here really sucks. Fortunately I have a brother and a good friend who both reside in the Burlington area..

I hear they are looking for reasonable HVAC guys down that way. B)

Ya just might get that aforementioned shave sooner than ya think :lol:

Kisses,

:jester:

Wow, that'd be less'n 200 miles -- close enough fer a relationship, while still allowin' fer sheep** relations on the side. :wub:

And how often do you get an enthusiastic "he'd do that for me?" from potential shavees other than sheep, Bust? Sounds like another match made on the FJR forum. :clapping:

** wondering what the sheep look like in NC, though

 

[doctorJ]

I think the way I heard the story was after Bust's stay in the hospital, he was told not to lift anything heavy. So he tells the doctor, he'd have to get someone to help him take a leak then (you know trying to make a joke--I know it is hard for him to do). The doc then (with all seriousness) said he understood, and that anyone would do to help Bust carry the heavy microscope he had to carry with him to find the right equipment :blink: (Does Bust live a long way from me BTW )
doctorj

Hey Doc Better watch out. I could soon be closer than you think.

I'm currently unemployed and the job market up here really sucks. Fortunately I have a brother and a good friend who both reside in the Burlington area..

I hear they are looking for reasonable HVAC guys down that way. B)

Ya just might get that aforementioned shave sooner than ya think :lol:

Kisses,

:jester:

I used to live in Burlington. Yeah, run on over to New Bern. I got an extra room, but I do have a lock on my bedroom door, . I've heard only country boys can tell good looking sheep from ugly ones, so maybe you can show me, not that I really want or need to know the difference, . Oh and I'll use a depilatory on my anus before you get here just in case :blush: .

doctorj

 

[user 6393]

ok, ya'll scare me sometimes, I hope ya know that......*L*

 

[doctorJ]

ok, ya'll scare me sometimes, I hope ya know that......*L*

I guarantee in my case it is all talk, and I am harmless. :innocent:

doctorj

 

[MEM]

Doc, you'd better quit while you're ahead.

You're all over the place - first your hetero....then you get a little twisted and ghey (cavorting with Bust & his shaved sheep) and finally you're a eunuch ("I guarantee in my case it is all talk, and I am harmless") ?

AND you have a mean streak, bringing up that "getting old" thing after I admitted to it being an issue with me :glare:

I'm tempted to gunny Barb's "...ya'll scare me sometimes" :lol:

 

[doctorJ]

"You're all over the place"

I thought that was how you kept from being hit was by being a moving target. I just have a sense of humor and enjoy some good natured bantering. But if it has been a source of confusion to you or anyone, I'll do my version of cyber "mime" for a while.

:bad:

 

[MEM]

"You're all over the place"
I thought that was how you kept from being hit was by being a moving target. I just have a sense of humor and enjoy some good natured bantering. But if it has been a source of confusion to you or anyone, I'll do my version of cyber "mime" for a while.

:bad:

:lol: Teasing you, Doc!! Sheesh

XOXOX :lol:

 

[Warchild]

AND you have a mean streak, bringing up that "getting old" thing after I admitted to it being an issue with me :glare:

Oh, c'mon, now.... you are NOT old!!

You may be a seasoned veteran... but not old!

Difference.

 

[MEM]

AND you have a mean streak, bringing up that "getting old" thing after I admitted to it being an issue with me :glare:

Oh, c'mon, now.... you are NOT old!!

You may be a seasoned veteran... but not old!

Difference.

Thanks WC - you guys make me :lol: Yes, a seasoned veteran, indeed - and becoming more seasoned every day

 

[kolonial72]

While giving birth to our daughter, my wife was the recipient of an episiotomy. Right before I carted my wife and daughter home form the hospital, an OB nurse gave some instructions regarding our bundle of joy. She added that due to the episiotomy, my wife and I could not have sex for a few weeks. I tried to ask a question to clarify whether or not I could still perform a certain oral tradition on my wife - ya know, just in case she felt randy anytime soon. (Little did I know what having a newborn would do to that particular urge.). What actually came out was, "Is oral still okay?" The look of utter disdain that overtook the nurse's face did clue me in. She said, "Yeah, that's fine, if she's okay with it." It was quite some time before I realized that the nurse thought I was seeking permission for my wife to perform on me! Man, that nurse probably thought I was a cross between an imbecile and a tool. I wouldn't be surprised if she still tells that story with disgust.

 

[user 6393]

AND you have a mean streak, bringing up that "getting old" thing after I admitted to it being an issue with me :glare:

Oh, c'mon, now.... you are NOT old!!

You may be a seasoned veteran... but not old!

Difference.

Thanks WC - you guys make me :lol: Yes, a seasoned veteran, indeed - and becoming more seasoned every day

Ya, WC is the one that's "old"

While giving birth to our daughter, my wife was the recipient of an episiotomy. Right before I carted my wife and daughter home form the hospital, an OB nurse gave some instructions regarding our bundle of joy. She added that due to the episiotomy, my wife and I could not have sex for a few weeks. I tried to ask a question to clarify whether or not I could still perform a certain oral tradition on my wife - ya know, just in case she felt randy anytime soon. (Little did I know what having a newborn would do to that particular urge.). What actually came out was, "Is oral still okay?" The look of utter disdain that overtook the nurse's face did clue me in. She said, "Yeah, that's fine, if she's okay with it." It was quite some time before I realized that the nurse thought I was seeking permission for my wife to perform on me! Man, that nurse probably thought I was a cross between an imbecile and a tool. I wouldn't be surprised if she still tells that story with disgust.

Yup

 

[FJR DaveH]

The following appeared in the ER Note dictated by the physician

"The patient arrived by mother"

To explain who drove the patient to the ER.

 

[doctorJ]

"You're all over the place"
I thought that was how you kept from being hit was by being a moving target. I just have a sense of humor and enjoy some good natured bantering. But if it has been a source of confusion to you or anyone, I'll do my version of cyber "mime" for a while.

:bad:

:lol: Teasing you, Doc!! Sheesh

XOXOX :lol:

No problem MEM. We're cool.

doctorj