Medical Jokes

[MEM]

No problem MEM. We're cool.
doctorj

Good thing! I thought I was going to have to put out an APB on you. or PM you and grovel

 

[Silver Penguin]

Good thing! I thought I was going to have to put out an APB on you. or PM you and grovel

It's all part of the game. Doctors have to be able to put up with teasing from nurses and vice versa. Gone are the days when the nurse would vacate the chair, and give up the patient chart, for the great deity of a physician when he walked into the room.

Our docs have been called to a room for a 'dying' CPR dummy. They've been presented with a diaper filled with chocolate pudding, apple juice and ketchup then asked for a diagnosis. One of our teenage patients had somehow got hold of a 'personal massager'. He had us put that under his sheets, between his paralzyed legs so it was touching the blanket, then call the doc.

Residents (doctors in training) can be a whole bunch of fun. For the most part, they're good, hardworking folks who are being paid a pittance to bust their butts while getting an education. The smart ones work alongside the nurses and accept friendly advice. The jerks who know-it-all don't get the friendly advice. As well as being hung out to dry with the attending (senior doc) they are also put on the Every-15-minutes program. When they go to bed in the call room, their pager will sound at regular intervals, allowing just enough time to doze off. It could be to let them know that the lab results are all normal, or that the patient took a dump. Perhaps the nurse might need orders for a patient meal tray for breakfast. Pages can come from any, random phone number (including pizza delivery) and ancillary departments. It doesn't usually take long for the resident to learn that ticking off the nurses can make life totally miserable.

 

[MEM]

It's all part of the game. Doctors have to be able to put up with teasing from nurses and vice versa. Gone are the days when the nurse would vacate the chair, and give up the patient chart, for the great deity of a physician when he walked into the room.
Residents (doctors in training) can be a whole bunch of fun. For the most part, they're good, hardworking folks who are being paid a pittance to bust their butts while getting an education. The smart ones work alongside the nurses and accept friendly advice. The jerks who know-it-all don't get the friendly advice. As well as being hung out to dry with the attending (senior doc) they are also put on the Every-15-minutes program. When they go to bed in the call room, their pager will sound at regular intervals, allowing just enough time to doze off. It could be to let them know that the lab results are all normal, or that the patient took a dump. Perhaps the nurse might need orders for a patient meal tray for breakfast. Pages can come from any, random phone number (including pizza delivery) and ancillary departments. It doesn't usually take long for the resident to learn that ticking off the nurses can make life totally miserable.

How TRUE!!!! I'm sometimes quick to point out to the residents that "nurses can be your best friends"

 

[Silver Penguin]

How TRUE!!!! I'm sometimes quick to point out to the residents that "nurses can be your best friends"

.... or have a starring role in your worst nightmare. :assassin:

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

It's all part of the game. Doctors have to be able to put up with teasing from nurses and vice versa. Gone are the days when the nurse would vacate the chair, and give up the patient chart, for the great deity of a physician when he walked into the room.

Thank God! For both nurses and doctors.

Residents (doctors in training) can be a whole bunch of fun. For the most part, they're good, hardworking folks who are being paid a pittance to bust their butts while getting an education. The smart ones work alongside the nurses and accept friendly advice. The jerks who know-it-all don't get the friendly advice. As well as being hung out to dry with the attending (senior doc) they are also put on the Every-15-minutes program. When they go to bed in the call room, their pager will sound at regular intervals, allowing just enough time to doze off. It could be to let them know that the lab results are all normal, or that the patient took a dump. Perhaps the nurse might need orders for a patient meal tray for breakfast. Pages can come from any, random phone number (including pizza delivery) and ancillary departments. It doesn't usually take long for the resident to learn that ticking off the nurses can make life totally miserable.

This reminds me of one of my first night shifts at a Boston teaching hospital affiliated with Tufts. The night nurse called all the first year residents around her their first day. She was a nurse for more than 40 years and had held every nursing position in the hospital WHILE RAISING NINE KIDS. She was winding down her career. While I stood there, she told the 6-7 fresh faced newbies how she would never call them at night or bother them when they were on-call. But if she did need them she wanted a response yesterday. And with a big smile said, "Or I will make your life a living hell." Then she dismissed them. They didn't say a word... just trooped away.

I have learned never to piss off the unit secretary. OMG! I played a personal joke in an outpatient clinic. Long story short, the senior secretary was not amused, though she was not a direct target (the joke involved two nurses, three nurse practitioners, two doctors, the director of mental health for the county and two agencies. VERY elaborate and it came off like a charm). For the next YEAR I got assigned every one of the most difficult and demanding cases that came through the doors. She let me know why I was busting my ass about a year later.

I bring food to the secretaries all the time now and always smile.

 

[Bustanut joker]

All these stories are making me think maybe mizz bust might not oughta go into nursing or, at least I hope not have to spend any time admitted to where she might be working. :dead:

:jester:

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

All these stories are making me think maybe mizz bust might not oughta go into nursing or, at least I hope not have to spend any time admitted to where she might be working. :dead:
:jester:

[SIZE=12pt]I thought of you when I was remembering my OR training Bust. Good thing the poor man was out cold when the giggles started before his prostate operation. The man was[/SIZE] [SIZE=8pt]tiny[/SIZE].

 

[Bustanut joker]

Oh shit!! I knew something like this was bound to happen!

Mizz B went and sent the pics of me "skinny dippin" when she busted my ass on my Birthday thread din' she..

Damn! my secrets out The shame I'll never be able to show me face here again :blush2:

:jester:

 

[Silver Penguin]

[SIZE=12pt]I thought of you when I was remembering my OR training Bust. Good thing the poor man was out cold when the giggles started before his prostate operation. The man was[/SIZE] [SIZE=8pt]tiny[/SIZE].

One of those cases where you were looking for the button rather than the carrot?

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

[SIZE=12pt]I thought of you when I was remembering my OR training Bust. Good thing the poor man was out cold when the giggles started before his prostate operation. The man was[/SIZE] [SIZE=8pt]tiny[/SIZE].

One of those cases where you were looking for the button rather than the carrot?

Let's just say even without a beer belly this guy never saw his happy place.

 

[doctorJ]

While giving birth to our daughter, my wife was the recipient of an episiotomy. Right before I carted my wife and daughter home form the hospital, an OB nurse gave some instructions regarding our bundle of joy. She added that due to the episiotomy, my wife and I could not have sex for a few weeks. I tried to ask a question to clarify whether or not I could still perform a certain oral tradition on my wife - ya know, just in case she felt randy anytime soon. (Little did I know what having a newborn would do to that particular urge.). What actually came out was, "Is oral still okay?" The look of utter disdain that overtook the nurse's face did clue me in. She said, "Yeah, that's fine, if she's okay with it." It was quite some time before I realized that the nurse thought I was seeking permission for my wife to perform on me! Man, that nurse probably thought I was a cross between an imbecile and a tool. I wouldn't be surprised if she still tells that story with disgust.

WTMI :dribble: The mental pictures here just totally mess with my compartmentalization :confusedsmiley:

doctorj

 

[Geezer]

Whenever 'size' comes into the conversation it reminds me of the old cigarette commercials: 'It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long.' :lol:

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

Whenever 'size' comes into the conversation it reminds me of the old cigarette commercials: 'It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long.' :lol:

You keep believing that.

:lol:

 

[doctorJ]

No problem MEM. We're cool.
doctorj

Good thing! I thought I was going to have to put out an APB on you. or PM you and grovel

Well, heck! I sure responded the wrong way since I've never had an APB put out on me and rarely if ever an email, PM or letter with any groveling. That woulda been really neat :yahoo: . You are a good person MEM and probably really YOUNG too, (sucking up bigtime here).

doctorj

 

[MEM]

No problem MEM. We're cool.
doctorj

Good thing! I thought I was going to have to put out an APB on you. or PM you and grovel

Well, heck! I sure responded the wrong way since I've never had an APB put out on me and rarely if ever an email, PM or letter with any groveling. That woulda been really neat :yahoo: . You are a good person MEM and probably really YOUNG too, (sucking up bigtime here).

doctorj

Doc.... you were doing really well there. But you just HAD to add that little "...(sucking up bigtime here)" :blink:

You coming to CFR?!?! YOU can buy the next round - after ..... who's on the hook for the FIRST round ?! I should start keeping notes

 

[doctorJ]

No problem MEM. We're cool.
doctorj

Good thing! I thought I was going to have to put out an APB on you. or PM you and grovel

Well, heck! I sure responded the wrong way since I've never had an APB put out on me and rarely if ever an email, PM or letter with any groveling. That woulda been really neat :yahoo: . You are a good person MEM and probably really YOUNG too, (sucking up bigtime here).

doctorj

Doc.... you were doing really well there. But you just HAD to add that little "...(sucking up bigtime here)" :blink:

You coming to CFR?!?! YOU can buy the next round - after ..... who's on the hook for the FIRST round ?! I should start keeping notes

I'll have to check with my social secretary and get back to you on that, . Yes, I realized I made one statement too many but afraid you'd think I was being a bit too serious or sumpin. I'm on the MTF a lot as well as STowners forum (got an 04 ST1300ABS as stablemate to my 08 FJR). I'll be going to Moonshine in April (Casey, IL), probably the IBA deal in March in Jax, maybe one IBA ride sometime in 2010 and the rest is open. I am not actively practicing now but still licensed but am actually being kept pretty busy with a very specific type of activity to help other people (don't get paid for it but is fulfilling). So will have to let you know later about buying that next round. It'd be great to put faces with names in person.

doctorj

 

[doctorJ]

"You coming to CFR?!?! YOU can buy the next round - after ..... who's on the hook for the FIRST round ?! I should start keeping notes "

I just went to Streets and Trips and found it is only 1000 mi. from me to there. I'm not sure that is far enough of a ride to get my mind cleared, . I've been up that way a long time ago for a medical meeting but not on a bike. Now I've got to give this some serious thought. Hmmmm

doctorj

 

[Bustanut joker]

I just went to Streets and Trips and found it is only 1000 mi. from me to there. I'm not sure that is far enough of a ride to get my mind cleared, . I've been up that way a long time ago for a medical meeting but not on a bike. Now I've got to give this some serious thought. Hmmmm
doctorj

Serious thought?? :lol:

Careful Doc, yer hairs gonna burst into flame :blink:

:jester:

 

[doctorJ]

"Careful Doc, yer hairs gonna burst into flame "

Yes, and I hate it when that happens :blink: . When both synapses fire at the same time, there is often a huge overload. :crazy:

Now I gotta get off this freakin computer and go get some constructive work done (which reminds me I always thought it would be a super job to be supervisor of an "erection company". I wouldn't have a clue what they do, but sure sounds elevating in some ways.) :yahoo:

doctorj

 

[Bustanut joker]

Constructive work? Man that's what I've been doing while "playing" here..

Hey decent pay, set me own hours, an I can even drink if I wanna :lol:

Funny how this thread sorta went off in the wrong erection er Direction..

:jester: