Medical Jokes

Advertise with us!
Yamaha FJR Motorcycle Forum

Help Support Yamaha FJR Motorcycle Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Bustanut joker said:
Constructive work? Man that's what I've been doing while "playing" here..Hey decent pay, set me own hours, an I can even drink if I wanna :lol:

Funny how this thread sorta went off in the wrong erection er Direction.. ;)

:jester:
Click to expand...

Don't worry Bust. With you, even if it went off in the wrong erection, it didn't go far.

This thread and the oral sex after birth thing reminded me of a joke I had forgotten I knew. Here goes:

A man gets called to the hospital after his wife gets into a serious car crash.

The doctors were not sure they could save the man's wife.

When the man arrived at the hospital, the new and progressive doctor gave the man the bad news; however, he told the man that new research has shown that oral sex seems to help people recover from serious injuries.

The man says he is willing to try anything, so the doctor says he will leave the man with his wife so that they can have some privacy.

About 5 minutes later, lights, buzzers and sirens go off in the room.

The doctor bursts in and asks the surprised man what the Hell happened.

The man replies, "I don't know doc. I think she choked." :eek: :drag: :chickawow:

 
I'm not good at telling jokes, but this "medical" story was told to me many, many years ago as true, somewhat humorous, but also elitist. Supposedly, Cook County Hospital:

Throughout most of the day, a new mother had been relentlessly, soliciting names for her baby. As the nurse was processing the birth record information, she couldn't believe what she had decided to name her baby daughter. A security guard was later disciplined for recommending, "Placenta". :eek:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
doctorJ said:
"You coming to CFR?!?! YOU can buy the next round - after ..... who's on the hook for the FIRST round ?! I should start keeping notes "
I just went to Streets and Trips and found it is only 1000 mi. from me to there. I'm not sure that is far enough of a ride to get my mind cleared, :rolleyes: . I've been up that way a long time ago for a medical meeting but not on a bike. Now I've got to give this some serious thought. Hmmmm :unsure:

doctorj
Click to expand...
That's a candy-butt ride. Just sayin'

 
FJRScorpion said:
I'm not good at telling jokes, but this "medical" story was told to me many, many years ago as true, somewhat humorous, but also elitist. Supposedly, Cook County Hospital:
Throughout most of the day, a new mother had been relentlessly, soliciting names for her baby. As the nurse was processing the birth record information, she couldn't believe what she had decided to name her baby daughter. A security guard was later disciplined for recommending, "Placenta". :eek:
Click to expand...
That's not as good as the mother who just had twins. She named them "Get Off" and "Stay Off" :lol:

 
HotRodZilla said:
Bustanut joker said:
Constructive work? Man that's what I've been doing while "playing" here..Hey decent pay, set me own hours, an I can even drink if I wanna :lol:

Funny how this thread sorta went off in the wrong erection er Direction.. ;)

:jester:
Click to expand...

Don't worry Bust. With you, even if it went off in the wrong erection, it didn't go far.

This thread and the oral sex after birth thing reminded me of a joke I had forgotten I knew. Here goes:

A man gets called to the hospital after his wife gets into a serious car crash.

The doctors were not sure they could save the man's wife.

When the man arrived at the hospital, the new and progressive doctor gave the man the bad news; however, he told the man that new research has shown that oral sex seems to help people recover from serious injuries.

The man says he is willing to try anything, so the doctor says he will leave the man with his wife so that they can have some privacy.

About 5 minutes later, lights, buzzers and sirens go off in the room.

The doctor bursts in and asks the surprised man what the Hell happened.

The man replies, "I don't know doc. I think she choked." :eek: :drag: :chickawow:
Click to expand...
An oldie but goodie :eek:inksmiley:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
MEM said:
doctorJ said:
"You coming to CFR?!?! YOU can buy the next round - after ..... who's on the hook for the FIRST round ?! I should start keeping notes "
I just went to Streets and Trips and found it is only 1000 mi. from me to there. I'm not sure that is far enough of a ride to get my mind cleared, :rolleyes: . I've been up that way a long time ago for a medical meeting but not on a bike. Now I've got to give this some serious thought. Hmmmm :unsure:

doctorj
Click to expand...
That's a candy-butt ride. Just sayin'
Click to expand...
Yep, it is one to knock out in a day I would think unless I were to decide to stop and do some flower sniffin. I started to say, candy-butt my ass but thought that was redundant, :yahoo: . Yes I guess I do have a cute little (all things being relative you know) candy-butt (just know I'll regret this).

doctorj

 
doctorJ said:
Yes I guess I do have a cute little (all things being relative you know) candy-butt (just know I'll regret this).
doctorj
Click to expand...
YUP ..... :whistle:

.....where is the "This Thread is Useless Without Photos" emoticon ?! Don't we have it on .....er...... um..... this forum ?! :santasmiley:

 
MEM said:
doctorJ said:
Yes I guess I do have a cute little (all things being relative you know) candy-butt (just know I'll regret this).
doctorj
Click to expand...
YUP ..... :whistle:

.....where is the "This Thread is Useless Without Photos" emoticon ?! Don't we have it on .....er...... um..... this forum ?! :santasmiley:
Click to expand...
Pics will be posted after Bust's shave job :rolleyes: . I might get more than one angle since have been told to turn the other cheek :blush2:

Gosh I hope it is all it is cracked up to be (do the punch lines never end or what?)

doctorj

 
OK, I'll take a shot off the cuff with two of my favs...

first, reported to be true

Jackie Gleason had a reputation for drinking and drinking at every opportunity

(if you watch the old, 60's, live variety show, he drinks out of a coffee cup every show and after the sip bellows wow like it's too hot...well it was Scotch back in the day that censors would not be amused)

well, anyway, Jackie had a mild heart attack and was convulescing in the hospital

he talked his assistant in smuggling bottles of beer into his hospital room

to help camoflauge his activity, he obtained a spare specimen bottle and would pour the beer in that one and drink out of it

if a nurse popped in, he would place the bottle somewhere out of the way

well, the head nurse was getting impatient with his causing the sneaking in of cigarettes, cigars, and unhealthy food which she would find in the room daily

after an especially heated scolding, Jackie was asked for a specimen

he peed in the bottle and asked the nurse for something...she turned her back and he switched the bottles

when she approached him to take the bottle to the lab, she noticed foam on top and with concern in her voice commented that the urine looked awfully funny

"Sorry nurse he said" picked up the specimen bottle with beer. Exclaimed "well nurse, let's run it through again"

downed the beer in the specimen bottle in one gulp.

The head nurse fainted dead away

-----------------------------------------------

The other:

A husband and wife go to the doctor after he is feeling fatigue and ill for quite some time.

Tests are run and they return for the diagnosis. They enter the docs office and sit down together.

I'm sorry sir but I have bad news. You somehow contracted a tropical disease and it's very serious.

The research is still going on and we're not sure what causes it and treatments are found to be unconvential.

Would it be OK if I have a talk with your wife.

He agrees and leaves for the waiting room.

Maam, as I explained before, your husband has this tropical disease.

It has very nasty symptoms, but they only show when the patient is under stress.

Your husband will be fine is all stress is removed from his life.

Now, the mortality rate for patients experiencing any kind of stress is very high.

Do you understand.

Yes, doctor, I believe I do.

OK, then here's the treatment which will save your husband's life:

Cook and provide any kind of food he wants and the best meals he desires.

"Yes doctor, I would be happy to do that."

Arrange and allow any activities he enjoys.

"He likes to play golf, dance, and take cruise vacations. I would enjoy doing that with him"

And lastly and most importantly, ask him and provide sex on demand and in any flavor he desires. Do to him whatever he wishes in the marriage bed and allow the same to be done to you.

"Oh, OK"

We're gonna keep this between us. Go to your husband now.

She says to him in the waiting that it's time to go home. They walk to the parking garage and he hold the door for her and goes around to the driver's side and gets in.

He puts the key into the ignition and before starting the car asks "well, what did the doctor say?"

She pauses a moment to think and replys, "you are going to die"

 
MEM said:
doctorJ said:
Yes I guess I do have a cute little (all things being relative you know) candy-butt (just know I'll regret this).
doctorj
Click to expand...
YUP ..... :whistle:

.....where is the "This Thread is Useless Without Photos" emoticon ?! Don't we have it on .....er...... um..... this forum ?! :santasmiley:
Click to expand...
worthless.gif


 
MEM said:
ShinyPartsUp said:
MEM said:
doctorJ said:
Yes I guess I do have a cute little (all things being relative you know) candy-butt (just know I'll regret this).
doctorj
Click to expand...
YUP ..... :whistle:

.....where is the "This Thread is Useless Without Photos" emoticon ?! Don't we have it on .....er...... um..... this forum ?! :santasmiley:
Click to expand...
worthless.gif
Click to expand...
sorry, I meant "worthless" :) But, why don't I have it in MY list of emoticons ? :(
Click to expand...
It comes from here: https://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w101/pm...c/worthless.gif or here: https://fjriders.com/forum/images/smilies/needpics.gif among other places. Just paste the url in as an image.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Patriot said:
-----------------------------------------------The other:

A husband and wife go to the doctor after he is feeling fatigue and ill for quite some time.

Tests are run and they return for the diagnosis. They enter the docs office and sit down together.

I'm sorry sir but I have bad news. You somehow contracted a tropical disease and it's very serious.

The research is still going on and we're not sure what causes it and treatments are found to be unconvential.

Would it be OK if I have a talk with your wife.

He agrees and leaves for the waiting room.

Maam, as I explained before, your husband has this tropical disease.

It has very nasty symptoms, but they only show when the patient is under stress.

Your husband will be fine is all stress is removed from his life.

Now, the mortality rate for patients experiencing any kind of stress is very high.

Do you understand.

Yes, doctor, I believe I do.

OK, then here's the treatment which will save your husband's life:

Cook and provide any kind of food he wants and the best meals he desires.

"Yes doctor, I would be happy to do that."

Arrange and allow any activities he enjoys.

"He likes to play golf, dance, and take cruise vacations. I would enjoy doing that with him"

And lastly and most importantly, ask him and provide sex on demand and in any flavor he desires. Do to him whatever he wishes in the marriage bed and allow the same to be done to you.

"Oh, OK"

We're gonna keep this between us. Go to your husband now.

She says to him in the waiting that it's time to go home. They walk to the parking garage and he hold the door for her and goes around to the driver's side and gets in.

He puts the key into the ignition and before starting the car asks "well, what did the doctor say?"

She pauses a moment to think and replys, "you are going to die"
Click to expand...
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Similar threads

D
Henry's Cover
Replies
11
Views
1K
JessieJim1
J
PhatAir4Me
Bend OR - Glide OR - I almost forgot!
Replies
2
Views
943
PhatAir4Me
PhatAir4Me
extrememarine
RIP - Duane Wellington - 1911
Replies
9
Views
2K
ShinyPartsUp
ShinyPartsUp
Goodman4
Southwest Colorado on the FJR with my nephew
Replies
0
Views
876
Goodman4
Goodman4
D
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
Replies
5
Views
1K
SwollenRaccoon
SwollenRaccoon

Latest posts

Top